Pregnant Followers of The Way

We have four children. Creating a new life together. Four times over. Each of those nine months x four a time of sharing. A time of sharing with each other the changes. The differences. The newness. The livingness within.

And yet …

The man is excluded from so much. The man does not have that life growing within. The man does not have all those intimate prodding finger examinations, the measurements, the tests and monitoring. Nor does the man have the burden of responsibility. The responsibility of “making it good” – of nurturing a new life to bring it forth perfectly into this world. Four times over.

The tension of “what if”, the doubt of “what does that mean”, the worry over odd tingles, twitches – the same worry over the absence of odd twitches and tingles.

The man shares by proxy. With love. In intimacy. But never within.

I was reading some verses this morning. And the notes alongside offered this thought:

Jean Paul Sartre, philosopher and atheist once wrote a Christmas play Barjona. In it he tries to imagine Joseph in Bethlehem: “He (Joseph) feels himself slightly out of it. He suffers because he sees how much this woman whom he loves resembles God; how she is already at the side of God. For God has burst like a bomb into the intimacy of this family. Joseph and Mary are separated for ever by this explosion of light. And I imagine that all through his life Joseph will be learning to accept this.” http://www.sacredspace.ie/daily-prayer/2014-12-18

As much as I try to imagine Joseph’s thoughts – I cannot. Joseph could only share by proxy “God bursting like a bomb”. And I think back and imagine my thoughts if God had burst like a bomb within the sequence of our four new lives. I wonder if “all through his life Joseph” ever did learn to accept the bomb.

The man shares by proxy. With love. In intimacy. But never within.

And then a poem came to mind. The Little Monk again: “If You Want” – http://sharethecoffee.wordpress.com/2014/12/13/if-you-want/

And the words of that sublime poem, the words of the notes this morning, the sharing by proxy … a week away from that night in Bethlehem …

“The man shares by proxy. With love. In intimacy. But never within.”

Until Now.

Because I do carry a new life within. I also have all those intimate prodding examinations. The measurements. The tests. The monitoring. I do know the burden of responsibility. The responsibility of making Him good. Of nurturing this new life within. To bring us forth perfectly into this world. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year.

I have the tension of what if. The doubt of what does that mean. The worry over odd tingles and twitches. The worry over the absence of odd twitches and tingles.

And my wife shares that by proxy. With love. In intimacy.

But she can never know “my within”. Him and me. This new life. Within.

If
you want
the Virgin will come walking down the road
pregnant with the holy
and say,

“I need shelter for the night, please take me inside your heart,
my time is so close.”

Then, under the roof of your soul, you will witness the sublime
intimacy, the divine, the Christ
taking birth
forever,

as she grasps your hand for help, for each of us
is the midwife of God, each of us.

Yes there, under the dome of your being does creation
come into existence externally, through your womb, dear pilgrim—
the sacred womb of your soul,

as God grasps our arms for help; for each of us is
His beloved servant
never
far.

If you want, the Virgin will come walking
down the street pregnant
with Light and
sing . . .

“If You Want” by St. John of the Cross, translated by Daniel Ladinsky

And it struck me this morning. All of this washing over me. All this washing through me. All of this within …

In a week’s time we are celebrating one life. But not just the one revered and esteemed in that dusty shack 2000 years ago.

We are all carrying this new life within.

Each and every one of us. Connected by One new life. Each within One and One within each. God has burst like a love bomb within each of us. There is no proxy. There is no separation. We are all pregnant. We all carry something precious. We all share the doubts, the twinges, the responsibility for bringing forth a new life. The Love within.

And if MumsNet followers can put aside their differences and join together in motherhood – then maybe we pregnant Followers of The Way can do the same: just imagine … God’sNet!

Maybe this year we too can all join together in the wonder of each of us carrying this One new life within.

Now wouldn’t that be something on Christmas morning!

(sorry – I need to pee …. !)