Carrying the weight of the world upon my shoulders.
I have heard that phrase many times from many people. I have used it myself. And I have thought it many times. Sometimes on a daily basis. Sometimes in that form. Usually in other forms:
Why me! What have I done to deserve this? So they think I am Superman! Sod this for a game of darts, I cannot (will not … refuse to … will resent doing … hate you … hate this … am too old for this … shouldn’t have to … WHAT ABOUT ME!)
And if we can recite and bemoan this so competently without any reference to our spiritual leader and father – why should I believe Him when He tells me:
Jesus said, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
What does He know anyway? Being omnipotent and eternal and infinite and all? I only have twenty-four hours in a day, sixty minutes in an hour, and don’t wind me up with the seconds and “living in the present” stuff!
You will have experienced God o’clock many times. It’s just that we call it love or drudgery.
That lingering kiss with a loved one. An afternoon of love that seemed like a few moments. You may have wished for just a few more precious moments with a loved one. And you will definitely have had those times when seconds drag like minutes and hours drag like days.
I am calling it more and more either “God o’clock” or “Me o‘clock.”
Because when I am moaning and groaning about the mundane I prefer to see burden rather than love. And in those moments “Me o’clock” is as irrational as “God o’clock.”
(my labels are essential for me – because seeing “love” (and all that mushy stuff) is way off my radar in those moments of “my grind”, “my burden”, “my obligation”, “my duty”, “my routine” – right then “love” has no chance at all)
And He usually has to become quite assertive, repeat Himself a few times, even negotiate with me – trading something for something in my “why me” frame of mind. And I often yell back at Him – “PROVE IT THEN!”
God o’clock … because “Me o’clock” is loveless right then.
And when I finally hold my hands up, offer the white flag, tell Him to prove it, unwillingly let go of all my cannot will not should not it’s not fair … then He shows me God o’clock.
When I let go. Reluctantly – and with disclaimer clauses all written-up for when He can’t make it happen (I have a very self-centred way of “letting go” in these moments – but hey – He doesn’t seem to mind one little bit)
When the clock becomes irrelevant and the mundane gets done. And the list of stuff weighing me down (in anticipation), becomes a list of stuff done and dusted (in reality). When the seconds and minutes seemed to be hours enough. Enough to clear the mountain so high, the burden so heavy, the weariness of my oppression.
He has never failed – even when I let go enough “to do”, but not enough “to believe” (is that a faith thing – or just me being His creation doing what His creations do?).
On each occasion I looked at the pile of done stuff and looked at the clock – and always my reaction : How the f**k did that happen Lord? And He always smiles. So gently and lovingly.
Why do we talk lovingly of seconds lasting hours, hours lasting seconds when we want? Why do we talk of “God o’clock” quite happily when it is “me moments” of love we really mean?
But why do we reject “God o’clock” in the boring? When all He desires is to keep us safe from our own insanity?
(and just why do we perpetuate this myth of God as “work, sacrifice, sin, burden, sackcloth and ashes, look at poor me, look what I have given up, look how I suffer, how I suffer for my faith …”)
Jesus said, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
That (for me) is what Jesus was talking about in these verses. His love for me – even when I see no love at all. When all He wants to do is to keep me safe. When all I have to do is let go and be loved (even with my disclaimers).
If I allow.