How does that … Part III

“If I was not ruled by each second. If time was meaningless. How then would I define Free Will?”

And off I went to shower and get ready for another day.

And it was another Power Shower! Standing there soaped and scrubbing, He just poured picture after picture with the water. A waterfall of “omniverse” as Little Monk calls it. Everything getting bigger and bigger. And after I dried and dressed, I scribbled a few words to remind myself:

>>> And a note of caution: I get an increasing sense this invitation He has extended is a very personal “FAO: Paul” – one that I have RSVP’d and said “Yes Please, dear Lord”. On that basis I also get a sense that He sees “my time” as being now for this exploration. For some your “own time” might have been many years ago for others it might be many years in the future, for some totally unnecessary. We are all unique. It concerns me enough to stress that all these words are never universal, never wisdom, never anything other than Him and me. They may be relevant to you – or not. They might get you nodding – or frothing. They might pass you by – Paul has lost the plot. This is not about right and wrong. This is Him and me, hand in hand, singing our own song, and passing you by as we wander down the road <<<

(forgive the misquotes, this is type and run)

“I come not to dismiss the law but to fulfil the law”
And maybe that extends far wider than we ever imagined too. The Law of The Jungle. That laws of nature. Law without time and without awareness of self. All inclusive – all fulfilled.

“My father knows each sparrow”
Why do we imagine we are the only beings He has relationship with? Why do we imagine he cannot feel the pain of a stressed planet shifting those tectonic plates in such planet pain? And the Big Bang? What big bang was that you refer to?

“The end times”
What???? Maybe the end times are individual to each of us. A dying is the end times one by one. Maybe – or maybe not.

Love without time? How does that work? We only know love through loss (in time). In our own terms and for our own kind. Remove time, remove a parochial species view – and wow!

The opening word in this little journey? Nowhere near that yet. But I have a feeling if prophecy nestles in the direction He is heading me – then prophecy will look totally unlike my understanding (and lack of) to date.

Or would free will be as meaningless as time itself?
Would free will be relevant to anything at all?
If there is not “time” what is the purpose of “free will”
If there is no time and there is no need of free will – what is love?
Does love change without time?
Or is the love the only thing that can be unchanged?
The only thing.
Is love – with or without – inside or outside time – the Only Thing?

>>> I have never done “raw” as this is – just scribbles without tidying them. Yet it is the only way I can see to record a wonder such as those few moments. A sharing with Him. An invitation to experience a little deeper this thing I call Relationship <<<

Take away time.

Even eternity we can only imagine with the constraints of tick tock tick tock. Infinity with the constraints of miles, or light years, or some other counting mechanism.

We are constrained always. By some form of counting.

(and that chuckle and whisper: “Ahhhh … back to counting!”)

We have a number of heartbeats, a number of seconds, a number of years, a number of everything from the moment we are born to the moment the counting stops for each of us. The bummer in that is that none of us know how many we have, nor do we spend our entire allotment living each moment as though it were our last. Nor should we – isn’t that just a weird kind of suicide watch, a perpetual final letter? Nor should we assume our allotment stretches out into infinity – right to the land of regrets and why did I waste my life territory.

And I wonder if that explains a little of why we are so hardwired to count our own salvation. Why we find “grace freely given” such an imposition. Why we can intellectualise so easily compared to becoming and being.

We are counters. And sometime it feels like we are counters on a board game. Being moved around without “free will”. And then it gets messy. Again. Then I fight again. Get caught up in all the “stuff” of relationship: sin, worth, unworthy, praise, worship, fellowship, discipling, church, building each other up, judging, more sin, more worth v unworthy, more round and around again – summed up by the conundrum:

“Love Me, love them, and love you – all – all the time – all at the same time”

Time again! Always time!

Did I waste that second, did I get value for money out of that one? I gave you those seconds and you did not give me back any of yours. I have been giving away too many seconds, what about me – I am in deficit! Store them, hoard them, save them, eke them out, make them last!! Don’t waste them too much feeling bad. Don’t fritter them away being too happy. Don’t waste too many being “in the middle” – that is no man’s land!!

Always counting without even counting. Always aware even without being aware. Always me even when it’s about everyone else. Always me even when it’s about God Soft Hands Jesus.

Time = Awareness = Time

”God doesn’t count like we count”

Love = God = Love

Time is a boundary, a fence, a constraint. Love is without fences, it does not count, it “is”.

I am bound by time. How therefore can I love?

Love is greater than time. Love is outside of time.

”And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

>>> If I was not ruled by each second. If time was meaningless. How then would I define Free Will? <<<

Love is outside of time. Free Will is outside of time.

Now just who invented time?

I want to have a chat with them!!


14 thoughts on “How does that … Part III

    • Boom! Hi Lilka – and thank you. I was left with a strong sense today that time is like anything else that gets in between Him and me. Yet it was a word I had not considered to be a push-away – not to the depth it seemed as we walked these few paces together. And “knowing” changes nothing – yet changes everything. In a way I find I am unable to express in words!! And love admitting that I cannot!

      And the joy you will have when your young man squelches around in the same mud as this, picking up the rich damp earth just for the love of feeling it in his hands! It changes nothing – and it changes everything!! Anyone who cares as much as he does, I sense he will have his own time. 🙂


      • I pray that you are indeed correct. I’m a lot less spastic now, thankfully, optimistic in His love for the sheep that gets away from the herd.

        I do admit my child challenges me to take a look at different angles, examine my belief vs habit and view God through fresh eyes. Who knows, it may be our Father’s plan all along.

        Your post made me aware that I can be guilty of coveting time the way others covet money. Your post brought home that my frustration with a few things stems from constraints I have preconceived in my mind.

        “My” time really isn’t mine. Nothing is take too long. “My” timetable is useless and when I simply flow with God I’m more at peace and ease when I release myself and others from time restrictions that have obscured my spiritual vision. My physical ideas of timing place God in a box. When I remove time constraints and expectations my mind and spirit are receptive and fruitful.

        Renewing my passport today took more time than I thought it should but I was at ease with no frustration. The sense of urgency I’m letting go. My ideas of “timing” may be what I need to release to allow some prayers to be answered. I’ve been waiting on God but He’s been waiting on me to TRUST His timing and not simply fulfill a need. Crazy as it sounds, I’ve been a slave to the concept of time even my time spent with God. Why should I always dictate when?

        Very eye opening for me today…on many fronts!


      • It is (also) hard to explain how much your words touch me here. Such gentleness, honesty, humility, and love. Your words build me up. Make my constrainings less knee-jerk choices.

        That covet time comment – I have been pondering that one a lot as well. Out in the “real world” when I have stuff “to do” and always by such and such “o’clock”. I haven’t got the time for this … Get a move on slow coach … I’m late!!! (and need to compress the time deficit) … I came home early for you darling (so you now owe me time) …

        You are spinning tumblers in my mind. The lock is creaking. 🙂


  1. This post furthers why I think the stuff I shared yesterday is resonating with me. I’ve done way too much counting. Counting the days. Counting my growth or lack thereof. Counting my forward steps, bemoaning the backwards. And always HE is patient. He is love. His is focused on the deep places where the wounds and struggles and pride make me count instead of receive. The need to do something worthwhile makes me count instead of rest in His process.


    • “The need to do something worthwhile makes me count instead of rest in His process.”

      Oh yes! I relate to that (and the straight lines mentioned by Graham Cooke). Don’t know about you, I think I am beginning to see the “pretty route” as a straight line. The meanders becoming more and more the direct path. And then wonder if I am beginning to sound a tad weird. 🙂

      Just have to figure out this time and counting malarkey!! I keep letting it slide in when I am not even aware it has!


  2. ” This is Him and me, hand in hand, singing our own song, and passing you by as we wander down the road” . . . and this Paul, is really what it is all about. Our walk of faith is between God and us and no one else . . . that is when we grow from “bean counters” to seed sowers, to reapers of greater things for His glory! It indeed is a personal relationship with Him, hand in hand one step at a time 🙂 ~ Blessings ~


    • Deborah Ann – please stop by any time you want! I love your stuff – I so value your words here.

      Bean Counters!
      How often I use that phrase to describe my own “day job” – yet in that day job I could be a seed sower (and am at times), a reaper of greater things (hmmm ….), for His glory (snakes and ladders – just slipped down a great big snake!)
      Thank you for lifting those words I thought of only as a passing comment of caution – because framed in your light they shine and are indeed what it really is!

      Now that is cool! 🙂


  3. I enjoy your stream of conscious writing 🙂 He is the Alpha and Omega…. the great I Am. He is present tense- in the now. I am far too often thinking of the past and future and not focused on the now. “God doesn’t count like we count”- I am grateful for that!! Grateful for the journey He has us all on!


    • Julie – maybe, just maybe, that is becoming true more – the present tense. Because still I count, still I wander, and look the wrong way when crossing the road! Yet … some of this is sinking in. Maybe!! 🙂

      And I still see Him watching through that gorgeous sunset you framed so beautifully! WoW – was that a present moment that keeps coming back in the moment!! Every time I look through the window (when I remember!!)


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