Thinking of that little sliver … the sliver strand of barbed wire … our own barrier to full relationship –

That thought came back again in this morning’s verses:

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land, for the wind was against them. And early in the morning he came walking towards them on the lake. But when the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified, saying, ‘It is a ghost!’ And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, ‘Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.’ Peter answered him, ‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.’ He said, ‘Come.’ So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came towards Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, ‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?’ When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshipped him, saying, ‘Truly you are the Son of God.’ Matthew 14:22–33

I used to think walking on water was a big deal. That it was a like a parable. A picture applying to so much of my faith. To so many different layers. Peeling back so many onion skins. I bought and read: If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat (John Ortberg) It had a massive impact on my relationship with my lord. Massive!

Yet for some time now, I have wondered why we never make “not walking on water” the bigger deal. Why it is that we so readily shrink back from “the impossible”. Why it is that we yearn for miracles – from others. Miracles – like wot Jesus and The Boys used to do.

And that sliver of barbed wire comes to mind.

Us standing the other side of God Soft Hands Jesus and pining to be let in. Yearning to be allowed through. Praying that our lord and father will remove this barrier between Him and me. Always praying. Asking the impossible. Always the impossible. That shopping list we fire off on a regular basis:

“We want (?????) because it is Really Important (and we don’t believe we can do that). But You can (cos you are God). And you told us to ask and you would give it us. So we are just doing what we were told to do. Now please give it us because you said you would (if it is your will – obviously!). And we have fulfilled our side of the deal – as you told us to – and done the asking … on our knees … with our eyes shut … and everything. Amen”

What struck me today is this:

Peter wobbled. Not as he took his fist step. Nor his second. Not even his third. Peter could walk on water quite easily. Until that last step. The “one more step” and he reached Jesus.

Peter was “done” just one small step before he was “done”. Peter was one small step from Jesus – yet already in his head he had finished.

Walking on water? Easy. There was no sliver of barbed wire in Peter’s heart. Not until he had almost finished. Was almost there. Had just one more step. Then the sliver surfaced. And he sank. That strand of barbed wire – WHAM! – Peter planted between himself and his lord – that came after the impossible. That came after the walking. That came after.

And I ponder …

This sliver of a strand we see as impossible to pass through. That keeps us from our lord – that keeps our lord from us. All that hard work, all the sacrifice, all the imposiible stuff we try and try to do, all the burden …

How often do we do “the impossible” without even realising we are. Without doing anything at all. That the miracle already is. That we already are the miracle. That there is no barrier – there is nothing keeping us – we are as one – we are of I Am.

Until we see the impossible happening – and think “How did I do that?”

WHAM!!!!

That impassable barbed wire strand immediately in place. We have just put ourselves one side – and our lord and father the other.

“How did “I” do that?”

Where did our faith and relationship just go? Where did God just go? How did “I” become centre stage? A stage without God present at all? A stage with a barbed wire strand. And little else.

(apart from the piles of burden and sacrifice and unworthy and sin … all that stuff we cling to as our most prized possessions … feeding that strand of barbed wire … keeping it in place … keeping it “conveniently” in place maybe)

And we are back on our knees again. Sinners all. Doubters all. Sitters in the boat all. Walkers on water way too impossible. That would need a miracle. That would need God to make it happen. We never could. We never can. Only God can. Not me.

“We want (?????) because it is Really Important (and we don’t believe we can do that). But You can (cos you are God). And you told us to ask and you would give it us. So we are just doing what we were told to do. Now please give it us because you said you would (if it is your will – obviously!). And we have fulfilled our side of the deal – as you told us to – and done the asking … on our knees … with our eyes shut … and everything. Amen”

Peter was within reach. Almost there.

We see the impossible happening and think “How did I do that?”

Wham!!

We have just put ourselves one side – and our lord and father the other.

Wham!

Jesus had a name for that.

What do I call it? What do you call it?