Good morning, and thank you for your time.
And good morning to you. You have my curiosity … you mentioned a savings scheme which made no sense to me: a savings scheme without saving anything at all. I had to come along simply to find out if you were all mad!
Well, it must be acknowledged that some do call us mad. And if they do … well, we just chuckle a little.
Okay – but before you bamboozle me with the sales pitch – I want the bottom line: what’s in it for me? None of your fluffy warm strokes, and your tedious graphs and charts, none of your “relationship building questions” .. I get that all the time from you salespeople. So let’s cut through all that: how much do I make?
Nothing. You make nothing at all with us.
(sound of confused silence)
In fact, as well as making nothing at all – it will also cost your nothing. But out of nothing will come everything. We are quite proud of that! It is our USP, Unique Selling Point, we even have a slogan: “Costs you nothing, makes you nothing, makes you rich”
Man oh manno! Only “some” call you mad? You guys have lost the plot completely! Give me one straight answer: how much does it REALLY cost me?
Nothing. We ask nothing at all from you.
Don’t mess with me! You are starting to itch my butt! I want answers not riddles: I make nothing. It costs me nothing. So what’s in it for me? How on earth does this whole thing work? How can I make anything at all if I am not putting in anything at all? Makes no sense …
I know. Isn’t that wonderful? You do not have to “put in” anything, you do not have to “make anything”, you do not have to “work at anything” – in fact we prefer that you really really really didn’t do any of that at all. We find it gets in the way. The “return” to you just seems to wither away. You would not believe the number of complaints we get. And every single complaint we investigate it is always the same: people needed to “put in” stuff, “work at” stuff, they always needed to “make something” – always they forget the small print.
Now I am wishing I hadn’t showed up this morning! But let me finish this madness so I can get out here and find a scheme that does make sense. So do your worst – I’ll join your madness for five minutes. Go on – make me mad – bring it on!
Thank you, we appreciate your open-ness. We really do.
In short: we ask nothing because you have nothing of value to give; we ask you not to make anything because you cannot make anything of value; and by not doing any of that you will become richer than you ever thought possible – and for all eternity. And the most wonderful part of all? There is no paperwork either! You do not have to sign any contract, fulfil any conditions, nor belong to anything whatsoever. You are the only one with the power to bring this about.
And after today, whether you choose to become part of this scheme or not matters not. We will wait for years until you decide that you are ready. Because we will never go bust, our scheme will never die, you will always be welcome. For ever.
I have nothing to give? I have nothing to give? Let me tell you something about what I have to give! I gross £xxxxxxxx, I have xxx people working for me, I have xx properties in x countries … I have more value than you do! You need me more than I need you – because I don’t need you at all!
Then why are you here today?
Because we can always do with more – and when it is offered as free, gratis, at no cost at all to me – I would be nuttier than you guys if I didn’t check it out! But if you aren’t even going to take me seriously …
But we do. You are the only reason we are here today. It is simply your “stuff” which is of no value to us.
No value? No value? Are you really and truly nuts? No value? Okay wise-guy: how much do you make a year, how many people do you employ, how many properties do you have, how much luxury can you buy, how much power do you have in this cruddy little office with your cruddy little friends and cruddy little life? Tell me that before you tell me that my “stuff” has no value!
Do you go to church? Do you have you own pew – not just your own seat – but Your Own Pew – all bought and paid for? Do you? How much do you tithe every week of every month for the past xx years? How much fella how much? How many committees do you show up at? How many committees do you chair? How much respect does anyone give you? Because let me tell you something for nothing: they do me. They respect me. They all respect me. That is power, my friend, that is “making it”, that is knowing you are somebody, that you have done something with your life, that you are worth something. I make things happen! I make people. I make things that make people happy. I am important. Me and God? We understand each other! We have a deal. He loves my “stuff”. My “stuff” is me! And I have more than you ever could dream of!
Do you ever dream of God?
Whoa … now that one is not on the agenda! What has that got to do with anything?
Maybe something, maybe nothing. Do you ever dream – of Him?
That’s private stuff. That’s not up for sharing. You trying to get inside my head fella, you trying to mess with me? What – and who – I dream about is between me and my maker. Well, and my therapist – but we all have one of them – so that doesn’t count really ….
Whoa – hang on here. You trying to trick me into become all heart on my sleeve? You trying to get at my heart? Find my weak spot? You trying to manipulate me? Well let me tell something – better men than you have tried and failed. You want to play that gushy heart strings stuff? Bring it on fella, bring it on!!
The ending was never written
Maybe because it applies to all of us. Maybe because being rich is not measured only in money, power, prestige, ambition. Maybe it is also measured in talents, things we find easy, things we enjoy, the clubs we must join, the rules we must keep, the image we must maintain, the exterior we must polish … the things we push away as much as the things we embrace. Who we push away as much as who we embrace.
Isn’t the parable of The Rich Man (Mark 10:17-29) simply about you and me.
Or is your “stuff” too important to God? So important it gives you privileges the rest of us do not have?
Is that how God sees “stuff” do you think?