The days I am not enough


Today’s verses weren’t “speaking to me” as they do some days.

I find that happens when I squeeze our quiet-time – like squeezing juice with the latest juicer: kerchunk – now I can get on with my very-full-busy-work-haven’t-a-minute-to-myself-today kind of “squeezing” Him in.

So why am I tapping away like this if I have no time? Just how do these non-speaking verses and a (very much resisted) slow dreamy cuppa with Him go together? Have I lost the plot again?

“Keeping God Safe” is how they go together.

“How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!”

Every time I know better. Every time my plans (even for the next few minutes or hours) exclude Him. Every time I stress like a banshee … see each passing second as the enemy … That is when I have lost the plot.

And that is when He pops up and invites me to slow down – if I am “willing”. Just like when my wife touches my shoulder and says “let me help”. Why don’t I even notice when He does the same?

Because on those “tough days” – if I am “not willing” – those are the days I go a little greyer, have more frown lines, feel exhausted (and shout “It Is Not Fair!”). Those are the days when I hurt others because I hurt! Those are the days I am not enough.

But today – He managed to catch my attention. And I have chosen not to “keep God safe” in my box of a few squeezed minutes.

“Hi Paul, let’s get with God o’clock! How long do you want every hour to be? Just remember how we don’t look at your clock – just remember how we leave that ticky-tocky-clocky stuff alone? Do you remember how that “impossible list” of your stuff gets done when we do? Do you remember how you have the time to be “nice” to others (as well as you and Me)? Are we on God o’clock, Paul … are we …. say yes … please say yes …?”

Oh dear Lord – yes and yes again!!

I am going to have a great day. I am on “God o’clock time”! Wheeeeeee ……

WOOPS!

Almost forgot … those “non-speaking verses” today? The ones which are now speaking with such tender love and affection:

”At that very hour some Pharisees came and said to Jesus, “Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you.” He said to them, “Go and tell that fox for me, ‘Listen, I am casting out demons and performing cures today and tomorrow, and on the third day I finish my work. Yet today, tomorrow, and the next day I must be on my way, because it is impossible for a prophet to be killed outside of Jerusalem.’ Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! See, your house is left to you. And I tell you, you will not see me until the time comes when you say, ‘Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.'” Luke 13:31-35

Because the words He spoke as we sipped a cup of coffee (not looking at the clock) were these:

“Is Jerusalem just a place on a map, Paul?

Sip. Think. Having to think now … Sip. Think. Pause ….

”Or could it also be the very centre of you and Me?”

Sip. Think. Pause. The penny is dropping kind of thinking now … Sip. Think …

Is it okay if I say “Crap!” Lord?

”Feel free, Paul.”

Isn’t that kind of “Jerusalem” also the place where “I kill Him” … time after time?

Each and every time I “keep Him safe” in my box of a few squeezed minutes – every time I miss His gentle touch on my shoulder – each time I keep Him out and me “in control” … all those times when I am/was not willing?

How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!

Today is God o’clock! Today He is helping with the paperwork. Today I am enough.

And just like those leftover fishies and bread … I know we will have time for everything and everyone – and still have some left over.

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17 thoughts on “The days I am not enough

  1. I like that ideal Paul. I do get more done on God’s time not my time.Besides that I love having him with me. For me its like remembering he is never gone ,always there,even if I can’t hear or feel him. God’s time not my time. Love it. May joy and peace be your’s today.

    Much love Tom

    • “I love having Him with me” – something I forget too often. Thanks Tom, have to agree with you!! Having a lot of joy and peace today!! Wheeeeeee…….. 🙂

    • Hi Annie – Elastic Time!! Love it! Been too long since we talked. Is this another marathon “only 15 minutes” coming up? And does that qualify for a bit of Elastic Time as well? 🙂 xxx

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