To see GSHJ “less darkly” – a love story (2)

(** God Soft Hands Jesus)

The reason for this story? To see GSHJ “less darkly” – and a question from Julia: (and work forwards if you wish)

Dear Julia –

Freedom to do what? Safe to be what? Those two questions never crossed my mind at that point. Relief. Joy. Enthusiasm. Let’s get to it.

But never “why.”

With hindsight and my love deepening it now seems clear: safe to come very close to GSHJ, free “to be me” with Him. Free and safe to merge myself with the greatest friend I have ever known. The most tender companion I could ever want. The most faithful, patient and forgiving God. With a sense of humour. My sense of humour. My everything. A perfect fit. Not one “need” I can find. Not one huff or puff of disappointment.

That freedom allowed me to jump into a pool and breathe underwater. To begin to feel the currents of others. To sense the community within. To be part of something bigger than I will ever comprehend.

That safety allowed me to experiment. To write unspoken thoughts. To voice unvoiced doubts. And with that came stumbles. With that came insights. With that came greater community. With that came work. I was doing good work, I was having great fun, I was doing good with my writing!!

And He called time – not once – but twice. Not in a petty temperamental way. It was a quiet invitation “with purpose”. And I knew. Without a shadow of a doubt. So I added a blog about that as well!! Farewell dear blogging church. Our Father wishes me to zip it. Farewell.

(which – with hindsight – is embarrassingly dramatic!!)

And then to add to my confusion – He reversed that request within 48 hours.

I had said farewell! And I had been grounded. I had voiced my love and affection for this community. And now He wanted me back at the keyboard? Before I had a chance to do something else? Man, this was a confusion and embarrassment!! And – with hindsight (but even at the time) – I had a strong sense that whatever I needed “to get” I had got. But way, way, faster than I would very had imagined.

It is what it was.

So back I came with a slightly different approach: “Love is always the answer – now what’s the question?” Gone were the pictures and thoughts and my “really great stuff” – my standing around blogging haphazard stuff into the pot. Having fun. Reacting and interacting for the fun.

Now it was “love” – always.

(I think may have just answered that unanswered question – why did you call time?)

And that changed me. Another layer peeled away. If the end point was love, then moving from A-Z was assured of love. And that means very simply: find where it is hidden from my/our eyes.

That is pretty safe if you ask me. It is liberating. It is freeing!!

More freedom. More safety. More community.


6 thoughts on “To see GSHJ “less darkly” – a love story (2)

  1. I think what you’ve written here is one of the most valuable, most significant, spiritual lessons I’ve ever known. Think of the hours and hours of preaching, the millions of pages of writing, the seemingly endless hours of classroom study devoted to earnestly seeking out the critical truths of the Gospel…

    And there you are, summing all of that up with two pithy sentences:

    “The answer is love. What is the question?”

    It has changed me, and I thank you for that. Grace — LM


  2. I feel that adding my words to this might somehow detract from the insightful (and quite profound) words you and GSHJ have penned in this second foray into your love story, but I just can’t help it. I simply MUST tell you how you are impacting my life through your story. I have been following your blog for awhile now and have watched your relationship with the Father morph and grow into something I both admire and hope to have someday. Your “love is always the answer” drips from the very pores of your writing and your feedback. You have taught us, those who bob to and fro in the ripples with you, to allow, always, His presence, to see ourselves as one and not an “us and them”. You have removed God from the plastic-coated, decoupaged box our conveyor-belt Christianity has taught us and shown us that He is so much bigger than we can fathom.

    Thank you for letting us witness your “jump into a pool” so you could show us that with Him it’s possible to “breathe underwater”.

    Love and hugs to you, my dirt brother.


    • Heather, you never detract. Ever.

      And what a comment! Wow””! And I will tell why “wow” – because I read your words, your afternoons swimming around with your pals and the bible. And I am in awe. Always! I live in a universe where that would be more than odd – that would be weird: “Hey (friend), how about we take our bibles and hit the local coffee bar for the afternoon – it’ll be fun!” I am certain would get a very polite response of a prior engagement.

      You swim and breathe underwater. Your words and your heart tell me so.

      (PS – LM’s “wow” words are on the next one – honest!! 🙂 )


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