(** God Soft Hands Jesus)
The reason for this story? To see GSHJ “less darkly” – and a question from Julia: https://justmebeingcurious.com/2015/01/24/to-see-gshj-less-darkly/ (and work forwards if you wish)
Dear Julia –
Freedom to do what? Safe to be what? Those two questions never crossed my mind at that point. Relief. Joy. Enthusiasm. Let’s get to it.
But never “why.”
With hindsight and my love deepening it now seems clear: safe to come very close to GSHJ, free “to be me” with Him. Free and safe to merge myself with the greatest friend I have ever known. The most tender companion I could ever want. The most faithful, patient and forgiving God. With a sense of humour. My sense of humour. My everything. A perfect fit. Not one “need” I can find. Not one huff or puff of disappointment.
That freedom allowed me to jump into a pool and breathe underwater. To begin to feel the currents of others. To sense the community within. To be part of something bigger than I will ever comprehend.
That safety allowed me to experiment. To write unspoken thoughts. To voice unvoiced doubts. And with that came stumbles. With that came insights. With that came greater community. With that came work. I was doing good work, I was having great fun, I was doing good with my writing!!
And He called time – not once – but twice. Not in a petty temperamental way. It was a quiet invitation “with purpose”. And I knew. Without a shadow of a doubt. So I added a blog about that as well!! Farewell dear blogging church. Our Father wishes me to zip it. Farewell.
(which – with hindsight – is embarrassingly dramatic!!)
And then to add to my confusion – He reversed that request within 48 hours.
I had said farewell! And I had been grounded. I had voiced my love and affection for this community. And now He wanted me back at the keyboard? Before I had a chance to do something else? Man, this was a confusion and embarrassment!! And – with hindsight (but even at the time) – I had a strong sense that whatever I needed “to get” I had got. But way, way, faster than I would very had imagined.
It is what it was.
So back I came with a slightly different approach: “Love is always the answer – now what’s the question?” Gone were the pictures and thoughts and my “really great stuff” – my standing around blogging haphazard stuff into the pot. Having fun. Reacting and interacting for the fun.
Now it was “love” – always.
(I think may have just answered that unanswered question – why did you call time?)
And that changed me. Another layer peeled away. If the end point was love, then moving from A-Z was assured of love. And that means very simply: find where it is hidden from my/our eyes.
That is pretty safe if you ask me. It is liberating. It is freeing!!
More freedom. More safety. More community.