*** (God Soft Hands Jesus)
The reason for this story? To see GSHJ “less darkly” – and a question from Julia: https://justmebeingcurious.com/2015/01/24/to-see-gshj-less-darkly/ (and work forwards if you wish)
Dear Julia –
This word “free” – much like the word “grace” – much like “love” … I wonder if we prefer to use them as labels. Slapped here and stuck there. Covering this need and suppressing that yearning.
I think it odd that we use the phrase “tying the knot” when marrying the person we love. Is love really about that? Is love not “untying the knot” – allowing the freedom to walk away – the freedom to give everything I am.
Free! Love! Grace!
What does that actually mean? What does that actually allow? What does it really endow? If these words of power are really something incredible – what do they allow us to be – to do – to become?
Because if we invite our Lord to dwell within us – are we not simply asking to be possessed? And if we are – then voices, and dreams and visions, and sensing and hearing and seeing and all that Really Weird Shit might be the consequence. More for some, less for others, and unique to each – but a simple reality of inviting our own possession.
The Really Weird Shit has become important for me to talk about. Simply because so few do. Not in a personal “guess what happened last night” kind of way. For me it is.
Because if we never make the weird shit just more normal stuff … if we are not safe to share … How do we distinguish – how do learn how to discern … Just how do we learn to know what is Him – and what is us?
And if we never learn to trust Him or us …
How are we safe. How are we really free? How can we give or receive anything freely? And just how can we really and truly love “me” – never mind anyone else?
Yet we happily read the Bible and demons being cast out. We happily read about dead people coming back to life. We happily “buy into” the sticky labels of faith.
Yet so often never make them more than that.
And therein for me is the greatest sadness of all. For decades no one ever invited me to step into the “really weird shit” and accept it as “normal God stuff.” No one ever talked about really weird shit as normal.
Is it intimacy or fear?
If it is intimacy then we all love God. We all have a relationship with God. We are all connected in God. He showers me day after with intimate moments. They do not “run out”.
So is it fear?
Because if it is fear then the bits of the jigsaw come apart. Hopping from church to church (or just opting out), from minister to minister (and judging each one), from worship team to worship team (and loving or loathing the show). Always looking for where we might fit. Always looking at each other.
Rather than looking at Him. Full on. In the eye.
And all the time sticky plastering “I am Free, I am Loved, I am showered in Grace” everywhere I go.
And knowing I am not.
Could it be we worship our Lord and Father on “bended knee, in fear and trembling” because we are not truly safe?