*** (God Soft Hands Jesus)
The reason for this story? To see GSHJ “less darkly” – and a question from Julia: https://justmebeingcurious.com/2015/01/24/to-see-gshj-less-darkly/ (and work forwards if you wish)
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So He “boy-racer-like”appears in the batmobile – tyres screeching, donut cooking and smoke a-billowing. The window slides down and a bat-gloved hand appears – and one finger curls. He curls His finger at me! Forget the Bat-Show … he actually curls his finger in that universal sign: Come here.
GSHJ says “come here” to me! God Himself asks me to go to Him!
That was the lust stage. We seem to have come through that phase. There are still floor shows, still our own “stuff” – but different. Less flashy – quieter. Less dramatic and more companionable. But so much quicker – much more frequent – much more an everyday-all-day kind of thing. A companion way of walking and talking.
Maybe it’s because the more He is within – the less He is without. The more I allow – the less I disallow. And maybe the more He is within – the more subtle it becomes.
When my breathing changes other stuff changes. Little body signal changes. Little thinking signal changes. Little mood signals. And just like that – with Him yes/no becomes more instant. Not yet/maybe this becomes recognisable. And those “random thoughts” become perfect timing thoughts. Acting and doing becomes an extension of the conversation. Always with the checking: my voice, your voice or His voice. My thought, you thought or His thought. He has His voice, His sound, His vibe. It becomes easier to recognise in the noise.
And there is still free will. Always free will. A “companion way” of free will. A lover’s way. Because I always have the off-switch, the mute button – the freedom to head over a cliff.
(And as I write that I hear Him say “I would accompany you even then.” He would stay by my side even if I did that.)
Of course I do miss the batmobile.
That was exciting, made me feel important, was a WOWEEE each and every time. And when He stopped doing that donut thing – that window with the gloved finger – I did miss it. And there were times then that I wondered if I had stepped away from Him (or – shhhhh – whisper this bit: whether He had stepped away from me).
But writing these words makes it very easy to understand – without any awareness on my part we have moved to snuggling inside each other. When your breathing changes and “you just know”, then the batmobile becomes a tad OTT.
And – I have just realised – a tad too slow.
The don’t teach the batmobile in church. They don’t teach it in the bible that I know of. And I don’t really mention it much in my “normal living”. It sounds dramatic. A little odd. A little flashy.
But as I write this love story, one word keeps coming to the surface: Exclusivity.
If this relationship is to be real – then He and me must be exclusive. That is how it works. Because if not – then where is the intimacy, the privacy, the freedom, the safety and the love?
If we are not exclusive – don’t He and me simply become another double-act – touting my act around the place for others to applaud?
I have seen and heard many who do.
Many who turn up with their ventriloquist act. With the lifeless dummy of God (although usually the fluffy-more-user-friendly Jesus). God with words put into His mouth. God jiggled and bounced as only a dummy can be. The star of the show playing the audience and God at the same time. I see where the applause goes. I see where the money goes. And I ponder.
So there is very good reason for caution in this relationship, this exclusivity, this privacy we hold onto. There is good reason to be cautious when exposing those private moments.
Just like the lady I courted, who courted me, who agreed to marry me. The lady with whom we created together life four times over, whom we nurtured together so imperfectly. The lady with whom I have fought so often. We who live together.
There is so much in that relationship I will never talk about – never write down – never share. For there is only one lady in my life and I in hers (so far). And that intimacy and privacy is important. It is ours and it is exclusive. You ask about her – I will deflect – you ask again – I will deflect again. You ask yet again – I will tell you no. She is sacred. We are sacred.
Surely then the same applies to my relationship with GSHJ then?
(Do you and He chuckle? I mean that “aren’t we just crazy loons together” kind of chuckle? It rolls on and on. He started it. Honest!! And he started chuckling when I typed that last sentence.)
Hey Lord – now pack it in – I am trying to be sensible here!
(He is off again!)
This is clear to me. As clear as this keyboard: there is only one GSHJ – but all of us.
One GSHJ – and each of us with our own “exclusive” relationship with the One – He shares with everyone.
Each one of you reading these words either have – or have had – or will have your own relationship with your Lord your Father. Your Friend. Your Lover. Your Guide. Your Companion. Your own GSHJ (with your own name).
And He seems to want us to share Him with each other.
Not as a dummy on a knee. Not as “God says to me – so you must do what I say.” Not as a headline act in a show. None of that.
I think He wants us to share with each other our private moments (as He guides). So we learn better who He is, what He is, where He is – and just How much He is. How omni-everything He is. All the weird shit, all the lust stages, all the companion walks, all the questions, all the “real”.
And I think he wants all of us to learn that the devil, satan, Lucifer, his cohorts, his legions are also real. They have power. So much power. Are so insidious and greedy and evil. I think He wants us to have context. He wants us to be safe. That GSHJ is real. And so is the enemy. And the enemy is tamed – IF WE ALLOW Him to flow, to breathe, to be.
If we allow Him to be The Power. Always.
Because if we never make any of this real – all we have is smoke and mirrors. And an obsession with sin. And rules. And distance. And distraction. And fear.
If we never share – are we all really connected – are we really all of One?
Or are we paddling in the shallow end. Scared to take our feet off the bottom, scared to trust, scared He is not really real – and if He is then He is way away from us – too far for us to reach and touch and play in the same space.
Do you remember swimming without swimming – trusting without trusting. Is that not loving in fear (and not really loving at all).
God is no dummy. I wish never to put words into His mouth. That is not my love story.