To see GSHJ “less darkly” – a love story (5)

*** (God Soft Hands Jesus)

The reason for this story? To see GSHJ “less darkly” – and a question from Julia: (and work forwards if you wish)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So He “boy-racer-like”appears in the batmobile – tyres screeching, donut cooking and smoke a-billowing. The window slides down and a bat-gloved hand appears – and one finger curls. He curls His finger at me! Forget the Bat-Show … he actually curls his finger in that universal sign: Come here.

GSHJ says “come here” to me! God Himself asks me to go to Him!

That was the lust stage. We seem to have come through that phase. There are still floor shows, still our own “stuff” – but different. Less flashy – quieter. Less dramatic and more companionable. But so much quicker – much more frequent – much more an everyday-all-day kind of thing. A companion way of walking and talking.

Maybe it’s because the more He is within – the less He is without. The more I allow – the less I disallow. And maybe the more He is within – the more subtle it becomes.

Like breathing.

When my breathing changes other stuff changes. Little body signal changes. Little thinking signal changes. Little mood signals. And just like that – with Him yes/no becomes more instant. Not yet/maybe this becomes recognisable. And those “random thoughts” become perfect timing thoughts. Acting and doing becomes an extension of the conversation. Always with the checking: my voice, your voice or His voice. My thought, you thought or His thought. He has His voice, His sound, His vibe. It becomes easier to recognise in the noise.

And there is still free will. Always free will. A “companion way” of free will. A lover’s way. Because I always have the off-switch, the mute button – the freedom to head over a cliff.

(And as I write that I hear Him say “I would accompany you even then.” He would stay by my side even if I did that.)

Of course I do miss the batmobile.

That was exciting, made me feel important, was a WOWEEE each and every time. And when He stopped doing that donut thing – that window with the gloved finger – I did miss it. And there were times then that I wondered if I had stepped away from Him (or – shhhhh – whisper this bit: whether He had stepped away from me).

But writing these words makes it very easy to understand – without any awareness on my part we have moved to snuggling inside each other. When your breathing changes and “you just know”, then the batmobile becomes a tad OTT.

And – I have just realised – a tad too slow.

The don’t teach the batmobile in church. They don’t teach it in the bible that I know of. And I don’t really mention it much in my “normal living”. It sounds dramatic. A little odd. A little flashy.

But as I write this love story, one word keeps coming to the surface: Exclusivity.

If this relationship is to be real – then He and me must be exclusive. That is how it works. Because if not – then where is the intimacy, the privacy, the freedom, the safety and the love?

If we are not exclusive – don’t He and me simply become another double-act – touting my act around the place for others to applaud?

I have seen and heard many who do.

Many who turn up with their ventriloquist act. With the lifeless dummy of God (although usually the fluffy-more-user-friendly Jesus). God with words put into His mouth. God jiggled and bounced as only a dummy can be. The star of the show playing the audience and God at the same time. I see where the applause goes. I see where the money goes. And I ponder.

So there is very good reason for caution in this relationship, this exclusivity, this privacy we hold onto. There is good reason to be cautious when exposing those private moments.

Just like the lady I courted, who courted me, who agreed to marry me. The lady with whom we created together life four times over, whom we nurtured together so imperfectly. The lady with whom I have fought so often. We who live together.

There is so much in that relationship I will never talk about – never write down – never share. For there is only one lady in my life and I in hers (so far). And that intimacy and privacy is important. It is ours and it is exclusive. You ask about her – I will deflect – you ask again – I will deflect again. You ask yet again – I will tell you no. She is sacred. We are sacred.

Surely then the same applies to my relationship with GSHJ then?

(Do you and He chuckle? I mean that “aren’t we just crazy loons together” kind of chuckle? It rolls on and on. He started it. Honest!! And he started chuckling when I typed that last sentence.)

Hey Lord – now pack it in – I am trying to be sensible here!

(He is off again!)

Anyway …

This is clear to me. As clear as this keyboard: there is only one GSHJ – but all of us.

One GSHJ – and each of us with our own “exclusive” relationship with the One – He shares with everyone.

Each one of you reading these words either have – or have had – or will have your own relationship with your Lord your Father. Your Friend. Your Lover. Your Guide. Your Companion. Your own GSHJ (with your own name).

And He seems to want us to share Him with each other.

Not as a dummy on a knee. Not as “God says to me – so you must do what I say.” Not as a headline act in a show. None of that.

I think He wants us to share with each other our private moments (as He guides). So we learn better who He is, what He is, where He is – and just How much He is. How omni-everything He is. All the weird shit, all the lust stages, all the companion walks, all the questions, all the “real”.

And I think he wants all of us to learn that the devil, satan, Lucifer, his cohorts, his legions are also real. They have power. So much power. Are so insidious and greedy and evil. I think He wants us to have context. He wants us to be safe. That GSHJ is real. And so is the enemy. And the enemy is tamed – IF WE ALLOW Him to flow, to breathe, to be.

If we allow Him to be The Power. Always.

Because if we never make any of this real – all we have is smoke and mirrors. And an obsession with sin. And rules. And distance. And distraction. And fear.

If we never share – are we all really connected – are we really all of One?

Or are we paddling in the shallow end. Scared to take our feet off the bottom, scared to trust, scared He is not really real – and if He is then He is way away from us – too far for us to reach and touch and play in the same space.

Do you remember swimming without swimming – trusting without trusting. Is that not loving in fear (and not really loving at all).

God is no dummy. I wish never to put words into His mouth. That is not my love story.


27 thoughts on “To see GSHJ “less darkly” – a love story (5)

  1. “Because if we never make any of this real – all we have is smoke and mirrors. And an obsession with sin. And rules. And distance. And distraction. And fear.”

    Huge, Paul. Awesome. Awesome. — LM


  2. So powerful – the last few paragraphs especially struck a chord with me. Jesus doesn’t want half-hearted followers. So encouraging to be reminded that the devil can’t harm us – that he will be tamed, if we allow God to flow as He needs to flow


    • Merryn, it is always such a joy to see you here. Thank you. Imagination so often makes things “bigger” than they really are. Someone said about something related to all this: “it was in my head and I just needed to talk it out” Which is another good reason for community and fellowship!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello,
    Tonight I was hoping to ask one or two questions amongst your posts; hopefully not difficult, only for me to know that I am listening and understanding and perhaps relating. Sadly today I have succumbed to the cold that has flown around the department this very day. All I want to do is tuck myself into the warm living room; snuggle up beside the cat (my husband is out running); and watch easy to watch TV; with plenty of warm drinks to keep me going. When feeling better I will be back in a day or two. My sincere condolences to the person who has written above. As you know, a few years ago I lost my eldest sister to suicide although I have experienced signs of hope that she is not lost to God; likewise the above person’s son. Yet, the ripples that run through the family are deep.
    Love and best wishes, sniffling Julia


    • Julia, that sounds like man-flu!! Look after yourself. I have experience of this dire affliction.
      Dale, above, writes the most poignant love story of all. Your loss, Dale’s loss, each creation unique. Each loss unique.
      Yet each story shared here is a story of love.
      So many ripples. So much everything.

      So, dear Julia, thank you. I look forward to your words whenever and however they form.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Julia. I hope you get to feeling better soon. I am so sorry about your sister. I know without doubt that we receive peace about our loved ones who now reside in Heaven.

      Dale…Brandon’s mom

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Paul, dearest dirt brother, you describe your relationship with GSHJ as it should be: unique, sacred, private, deep and lovely. Although we are all created in his image, we are each created individually with our own special characteristics. Our relationship with God would be the same.

    I have my own private moments with him, too. At times, I have tried to capture them on camera or in words and cannot and I know it’s because he wants to keep them between the two of us. I know now when it’s okay to divulge images and conversations and when it’s not; I feel honored and humbled by the latter. And yes, those are the ones “like breathing,” the ones that make me smile so readily because I know he warms me with his love that fills every capillary, every cell from head to toe, from core to skin.

    Thank you for sharing yourself and these parts of your relationship so beautifully.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Susan, thank you yet again. I have a gut squirmy feeling when it comes to “testimony and all that stuff”. Always wondering if the “party line” drives what goes in and what comes out. Fitting in to whichever circle and community is the driver for so much “hallelujah praise the lord” – although I then wonder if that is just me being me and not hearing Him at all.

      Yet this guidance seems prompted by reading others’ pain and confusion. By being connected with a number of those with voices inside – the kind we “normal folk” classify as an illness. Prompted by something which said: the weird shit is not weird at all.

      As always, I feel a pull, a current, a nudge – and the words fall out. Never with a great deal of comprehension as to why.

      Thank you again (hug))


      • Paul, I believe strongly we “outliers” have a purpose. He speaks to us, prompts us, to write what we write so that all the others who silently squirm at the “party line” know we are here, and we squirm too.

        We squirm because we hear too much finger-pointing, not enough invitation, not enough welcome, not enough answers of love.

        In this whole thing, I go back to the very start of what you wrote: Love is the answer. God is love. Whatever the question, love is the answer.


      • Dear Susan, so much love and affection and wisdom has come flying back in to these series of posts – I am stunned. Enough to want to “shush” for a while and just sift slowly through the sequence quietly. He has “done” with my words for now. And I am glad – because keeping up with the conversation as it unfolded became a bit of a juggling match.
        And to illustrate that – your point touches on several – and is profound. LM’s outliers now another word to add to the dictionary. And another new theme to ponder – as you have developed here.
        Love is always the answer. And there is an indulgence of it in these last posts – I am off to wallow! Thank you!


  5. There you go again!
    Such sincerity in your words. I can relate to that “private time” with God. Words fail to convey, what my spirit tries to say… For you its the batmobile, for me a tap on the shoulder when He says “look here.” or pulls back a layer. He is enough for each of us, yet each union so unique….love it, love it, love it God real and revealed in a different kind of way. Not the prophet’s relationship but our very own… 🙂


    • “Not the prophet’s relationship but our very own…”

      Lilka – what a wonderful thought in words! Because I tend to shuffle around like a little pawn on a chessboard. Him and me doing our own thing in our way, seeing others the same, and then you go and pop that thought down – and it is empowering. A prophet? Top of the hierarchy? Or just another Lilka, another Paul, another … anyone – all just doing our own thing in our own way. With Him. And then someone comes along afterwards and slaps a label over it all.

      “We are all equal” – sometimes needs a kick up the bum to get through! Thank you dirt sister prophetess! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Paul…you have done it again. You have elicited a gigantic WOW. There is so much truth here in your words. So much truth that few will utter.

    I have learned tomes from you about real relationship, about the difference between religion and spirituality, about the importance of allowing.

    “God is no dummy. I wish never to put words into His mouth. That is not my love story.” That’s not my love story, either. And I’m grateful for you for sharing your story so willingly and openly so that I know I’m not alone. Thank you for swimming in the deep, for removing the smoke and mirrors, for being an example, for acting in, writing in, and being love.


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