To see GSHJ “less darkly” – a love story (without end)

*** (God Soft Hands Jesus)

The reason for this story? To see GSHJ “less darkly” – and a question from Julia: (and work forwards if you wish)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s very hard to be in love and not have passions. Very hard.

All I could see was me and Him. And Him and others. But mainly me and Him. That is the essence of “us and them” I think: I have a direct line to God. God talks directly to me. I learn to listen to Him. He and me become us. So you become them.

And it’s so easy to be a God-snob (I really do know): to look down my nose on His behalf at others less bonded than me.

I can do that so easily. Because I am surfing the biggest bestest truest wave of Love. I am surfing God: The Answer is Love. All are Sacred Creations. The Living Word Lives. We are but Players in an Orchestra. And when you are surfing God, you fly the foam! You are up there in soul and spirit! So easy to be looking down.

I am not sure what virus I caught that brought me down. This love story is all about tiny (massive) changes. But I know. I was a God snob. And still can be so easily. If I allow.

And that seems to be my phrase more and more at this point: “If I allow”

If I allow GSHJ to whisper and be heard by me. If I allow GSHJ to whisper through others and be heard by me. If I allow. If I allow each of His creations to be as sacred and loved as I am. Each of His creations – all as perfectly imperfect as I am. Because I am no more than you are. Or else I am not of I am – I am just of my creation of I Am.

(read that last bit slowly – twice – I had to! I hope it says what I mean)

I still have passions. In fact I think have many more passions. Just more inclusive, more accepting, more nurturing. Less me. More you and Him. More you and you. More you and less me.

The odd thing?

It actually draws me closer to Him. I am becoming more GSJH and less me. And what does that mean to me? I have no idea. And I wish never to have a clue.

What I know with conviction is this: The less it is about me – the more it is really about me.

(read that last bit slowly – twice – it’s one of those posts! 🙂 )

Because the less I worry about me, the more I allow of GSHJ, and the more powerful I seem to become.

I see people differently. I see people more “one by one” than ever before. I see us all being the same. I know when I screw up – and so does He. I know when I feel crap – and so does He. I know when I fuck up – and so does He. I know when I mentally want to bash you head in for really winding me up. I know when I want to bash my own head in for being “stupid”. And so does He.

So when I see you letting your mask slip. I see me. And so does He. And when I see evil. I see me.

And so does He.

You are any one of the rainbow colours making each unique … you prefer to kiss and hug and orgasm with those I don’t … you have been born into a family with no God or a different God … you were born into a family with tons of cash or no cash … you were abused … you are suicidal … you are addicted … you are divorced … you are ill … you are too young to understand (!!) … on and on and on the list of “differences” we obsess with cataloguing and itemising and debating – and judging as right or wrong – of God or not of God.

(just why does theology need to join this obsession?)

More and more I do not see any of that. More and more I see every “rule” our gorgeous God has ever offered as: “To each I give the same love. And each I love the same. How about you?”

I am finding more and more that being a God-snob is really hard work. And when I manage it – it is my choice alone.

Because Love really is the answer to every question. Each one of us really is as sacred as the other. Our differences really do make us stronger because we are all the same. If we allow.

Because if I want you to allow me to be who I am – then logic, science, theology, religion, custom and cultures (and maybe even God?) would all say: You gotta let everyone have that same freedom – you gotta allow everyone.

And where does Lucifer fit any of this? What’s his preference do you think? And how much do we allow his preferences to shape us?

How much do we ignore him and look only at the sanitised symptoms: you have sinned, you are sinning – but fear not – you are forgiven by grace – you are washed clean – you are covered in blood. All you have to do is carry on doing what you are doing. Agreeing with whatever belief means your comfort is maintained. Don’t worry about sin – we have that covered. And please speak up in righteousness and tell others they are wrong – that is just the best!! We all do a dance when you buy-into that crap! But ignore us – we are not real. We are the bump in the night – the heebie-jeebies. Best not to acknowledge us. That might be uncomfortable. Because we really do prefer the darkness. It’s where we feel comfortable.

Speak of the weird shit. Please. It is real.

Lucifer and his army are real. And God is real. And God has power. Way more than the devil, satan, the demons.

If I allow. If you allow. If we allow.

And I wonder if sin is just another label we have deflated (thanks Heather). Because we are all powerful men and women of God (thanks Tom). We are all sacred (thanks LM). We can look to the bible and find love (thanks Don). We do not need to be an orphan (thanks Mel). And almost always this is not about what I want is it (thanks Phil). Because I want to be a lover not a fixer (thanks Denine).

And just when will YOU begin to see GSHJ less darkly? Thank you Julia. Thank you.

(And just like an acceptance speech the list goes on and on – right back to when I was born – and forwards to this day. It must include everyone – even those I passed by without knowing, those I chose to ignore – because even they have shaped who I am. They were my choices. They are also my “if I allow”.)

We are all the same. And this story will never end – ever. Each day it is being lived and written. Each one of us is in this story. Each one of us is this story. We are all connected.

If we allow.


22 thoughts on “To see GSHJ “less darkly” – a love story (without end)

  1. ” I see us all being the same. I know when I screw up – and so does He.” He is so gracious… we talked about Peter in our Bible Study last night- How He truly is a God of second chances. Always seeing the best in us- ready to extend His hand of grace to us when we willingly accept it. Your writing is like poetry!


    • Hi Julie – thank you for your gracefull kindness!
      That phrase “always seeing the best in us” – it is true and it “works”. And is the one main falling-over I do. I know the theory – but when someone pulls my strings? I tend to go myopic and cannot see that one at all right then! And then there are the decades and decades He sees the best in us – until we are ready to see the best in ourselves. Gracious and patient!
      I think He is the God of a trillion chances in my case!!


  2. “We are all the same. And this story will never end – ever. Each day it is being lived and written. Each one of us is in this story. Each one of us is this story. We are all connected.

    If we allow.”

    Wow. To all of your words today, Paul. This has been a week, at least, of pondering. From a few of you guys to me. AND I’ve been reading a series by Ted Dekker and his characters are going through the same thoughts (well, to me they are) – Hmmmmm…… I better listen.
    cate b


    • Cate – thank you! I have become less “really” when I – or anyone – thinks that. He has given me a “cluster” too many times. The same thing in different forms, from different directions. Always it makes sense at some point. The “ahhhh” moment of understanding. Someone else said something similar about a “cluster” around the same thoughts/timings recently. These posts were the result of my own cluster. Haven’t the foggiest idea why so far.

      This “if we allow” is powerful stuff as Don noted above/below!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It is my nature to be about me. Really though it is about those that are lost to Jesus. When we think like God. (He said have one mind). Then we will naturally think of others. It will be about them. That’s what I really enjoyed about this post Paul. It was about others and seeing them instead of me….


  4. Paul, you have such a natural way of being completely open – it prompts me to be the same. For years, I was concerned with being invisible. Tired of not being noticed, always in the background. As he has worked in me, I have become more and more desirous of wanting others to see Jesus, not me; of wanting his light to shine, not mine; of wanting to embody and practice the Holy Spirit’s fruit, not my own. I fail sometimes because I succumb to my own human effort, but my ache, my passion is to have God’s motives and yearnings replace my own. To have those who see me not see me but see Jesus; to be invisible. Because of his love and grace and patience, I have come full circle. Only because of him, and I know he’s not finished with me. And oh, God, I am so thankful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Susan, what a beautiful post! Hitting such important nails on the head one by one. All of it with such finesse, such affection and such love.
      That change. That quantam leap infintessimal patient change that is life style choice. I sometimes see lovers walking down the street. Wrapped up in each other. And sometimes I see the golden oldies hand in hand so often silent. So at one with each other. Love is never “done” I think. It just keeps on and on. Changing each of us.
      I wonder sometimes if we need both the eternal love of our Father as well as the infinite love of each other. Both feed the other. I wonder if that is why relationship is so important. Relationship allows if we allow, and the more we allow the more we are at one.
      Your words always bring stuff together for me. And then like a springboard set other thoughts bouncing.
      And thank you for such kind words.
      He is the perfect pace setter for each of us – drawing out each one’s potential at just the right time, just the right way, just the right place. I want to be noticed, I want to be visible. Only because if He shines through all that we do … And now the words are elusive …

      If He shines through all I do and say and am – good, not so good, bad and awful – then He also becomes real through me. These words are not teach preachy – they (I hope) are an outpouring of Him. And (I hope) whet the appetite of others to break the mold they have been taught to live within (LM’s wonderful words about seeking the safe middle). To allow Him to draw out their potential at just their right time, their right way, and their right place. Just like He is doing with me.

      You inspire me ((hug))


  5. What I have come to see through this exploration of your story is that love bookends all our stories. It is the beginning and the end. It weaves in and out of every word, sentence, paragraph, page, chapter, and book. Love is the story arc, connecting all the characters and plots.

    Each story is unique, crafted by our Father, the Author of our faith. He puts a period here and a semi-colon there. He closes one chapter with a cliffhanger and another with a witty anecdote. He gives us backgrounds and settings. Conflicts come and tensions build. We make choices and leap from one page to the next. Some chapters contain lots of dialog, others lots of description. But in between the lines, the breath beneath every word, He lives. He gives life to us. And to our stories. He is the story arc. He is love.

    And we are to share our stories. Connect our dots. Feed each other. Teach each other. Learn from your story and his story and hers.

    The God snobs do allow…but they allow themselves. The don’t allow Him. Or you. Or me. They allow themselves to stand on the stage, brandishing their knowledge and insight, wielding them like swords of truth. When all they have is a prop-sword in a one-man show about the One…only there’s no room for Him. There’s only room for them.

    You, my dirt brother, are a God-servant, a steward of His Word and His love. Because for you, it is always about Him.

    Because you allow.

    This verse somehow reminds me of you: “So the people went away to eat and drink at a festive meal, to share gifts of food, and to celebrate with great joy because they had heard God’s words and understood them” (Nehemiah 8:12). You share your food with us. You celebrate with great joy BECAUSE you hear God’s Word, BECAUSE you understand, BECAUSE you listen, BECAUSE you show up.

    Because you invite Him in.

    Because you allow.



    • Heather, might I be allowed another breathless “WOW”?

      Tom Caton used the phrase that we are men/women of power. And as I read your words here, the British stiff upper lip kicked-in. The auto-pilot rejection of anything “too much”.

      Yet He whispered something different as I thought that: if we talk about Him, if we share Him, if we reveal our deepest thoughts, that He and we have shared together – as He directs … what is that other than Power?

      For if we all live a life in His power and love – then when we share our relationship – we are doing no more than sharing that power and love.

      You know – I have never thought more of this wee blog than He and me and a keyboard. Plop goes another pebble. All very low key and calming. “Power” has never been a thought. Always love – but never power.

      I am not sure how your words releasing another conversation with Him may change or not change. But you have allowed Him to connect me with something new and fresh – and a little scary.

      Thank you.


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