Death. Suicide. Sexual Abuse. Physical Abuse. Abandonment. Isolation. Cutting. Voices. Bi-Polar. Depression. Pain. Loneliness. Alone-ness carrying a shedload of crap.


The power of crap is a heavy burden. It erodes and corrodes. It sucks life and extinguishes life. It is Hope less.

I read the words of human beings. Beautiful people. All carrying a shedload of crap. All alone. Each one carrying so much pain it is either unbearable or almost unbearable. And I cannot help them. I cannot fix them.

Read one short piece from one amazing and hurting beautiful individual: “Proof that we need to concentrate on the person who lived and not the way they died.”
My Brother Killed Himself: http://mybrotherkilledhimself.wordpress.com

Read one short piece from one amazing and hurting beautiful individual: “I am so glad I didn’t kill myself, but I continue to wonder if there is anything to say to people at those darkest times. Here’s an attempt. Here are things I wish someone had told me at the time: …”
Reasons to Stay Alive: http://www.matthaig.com/reasons-to-stay-alive

Read one short piece from one amazing and hurting beautiful individual: “Don’t try and save me, just love me while the doctors try and work out what is going on. Just love me please.”
Scarred and Scared: http://scarredandscared.wordpress.com/

There are many more. So many more. Too many.

And what each writes, what each seeks, what connects each – what connects me – is not death. Is not suicide. Is not sexual abuse. Is not any of that long (edited and shortened) list above.

What connects is Love.

And that is why I am proud to be connected to each. Proud to read their words of pain and not be able to fix them. I am not the answer. Nor are you.

But I can Love. Just as each one whose words I read also Loves.

And I do Love. Just as each Loves (almost always so very much more than me).

Each story is a story of Love.

And Love connects.

So I have a request:

When you see, or read, or hear, or are “accidentally” connected to, or are “spontaneously” repelled by, or choose to ignore, or actively block out, or even actively seek out to fix, or seek out to save – whatever your choice of response – to all of us who are suffering these “embarrassing conditions” … the ones we think of as “uncomfortable” and “beyond my comprehension” and “I can’t fix that/them” and “I Can Fix That!” … try something different.

Try loving. Without answers. Try loving. Without reason. Try loving. Full Stop.

That is what connects.

If we allow.

Thank you.
((hug))

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27 thoughts on “Death. Suicide. Sexual Abuse. Physical Abuse. Abandonment. Isolation. Cutting. Voices. Bi-Polar. Depression. Pain. Loneliness. Alone-ness carrying a shedload of crap.

    • Tom. Thank you. He changed all my morning habits this morning. No verses, no prayer time – just these words. I think I heard Him right – just not “why” He wanted. And that is enough.

      Big hug brother, big hug ((HUG))

  1. We have some dear friends whose son committed suicide. It was devastating for them and made many of us wonder how we might have reached out to him. Love is the answer. Opening our eyes and our hearts to the hurting among us, that’s what Jesus did.

    • Kelly – and then words run out. And that is when most seem to run a mile. Thank you for your comment – that pain and heartbreak seems so much more common that we like to admit in this God filled or God desolate world. Thank God for love.

    • Love is the answer.

      I feel a stirring within this phrase. To address the concept of discipline – self-discipline, selflessness – self driven selflessness, pain – real pain when we are selfish, undisciplined, anaesthetised “lovers”. There seem to be those who see the gift – but only the gift.

      And that was me before. You fancy a guest post invite?? 🙂

  2. I have a friend in a psychiatric hospital undergoing shock treatment and on some very strong medications. I have watched her go from healthy to barely eating, and age about 10 years in less than 6 months. She has a family and 3 kids, (two teens and a 6 year old). She used to jokingly say to me, “I wish you could be my psychologist- I’d pay you!”. I think that what she was getting at was that to have someone listen, empathise, love without judgement and always believe the best possible – to have someone hope, even when the person struggling has got none left – to share the load – these things no one can put a price on! Losing Becky (a dear highschool friend) and Lachlan (a first cousin on Dad’s side of the family) brought it really close to home. It causes me to fight for people like my friend who are still right in the thick of it. We can never give up. We can never wash our hands of the situation. We are drawn in for a reason – love will always make a difference if it is genuine and not self-serving.

    • What powerful words. What loving words.

      “… to have someone listen, empathise, love without judgement and always believe the best possible – to have someone hope, even when the person struggling has got none left – to share the load – these things no one can put a price on!”

      And I am left wondering why we so often make things so embarrassingly complicated. When all it takes is genuine love.

      Your words connect through love. And that changes those they touch. Thank you.

  3. I can totally connect to the shedload of crap. We like to think our shoulders are big enough and broad enough to carry all of it, but the truth is, we just can’t. Not alone. Not without Christ pulling us through. Since I have been sick, everyone from family members to friends to servers at restaurants don their doctor’s stethoscopes and medical degrees and offer me advice. I have heard everything from, “It’s just allergies” to “You’re just overweight” to “You need a shrink”. Everyone’s an expert. They all have the answers that six doctors don’t have. I try to find the love in their words. I sift through the rubbish and see their hearts hurting for me and their hope that it’s nothing serious.

    When I was a high school teacher years ago. I had a precious student named Patti. Typing her name brings a lump to my throat. She was 14. Beautiful. And had a smile that could melt even the stoniest of hearts. Her mom took her to one of those ear-piercing places in the mall for her birthday and she proudly displayed her newly-decorated lobes when she returned to school Monday. Then, something went terribly wrong, and she got an infection. The needle they had used wasn’t sterile and caused all of her cartilage to erode. Her ear lost its shape and folded over on itself. She would need several surgeries to undo the damage and re-shape her ear. Her boyfriend, also 14 and very much a boy, broke up with her because of her “deformity”. Devastation on top of devastation. Her heart couldn’t handle it. So she took her life.

    So many times I wish I could have seen the signs. Wish I could have shown her more love. Wish I could have reflected God’s love and mercy.

    At her funeral, her mother wept in my arms and told me I had been Patti’s favorite teacher. She told me that Patti loved my class and loved me. And oh how I wish that had been enough. She had family and friends who loved and adored her. But she was alone in her devastation. So. Completely. Alone. If only she had been able to see through the rubbish of a 14-year-old boy’s insecurity, sift through the hurting hearts who hoped for the best for her…I don’t know. Would she still be here?

    There are people hurting everywhere. Small pain. Big pain. Alone and loved. Surrounded and feeling unloved.

    Your words hit home for me: “Try loving. Without answers. Try loving. Without reason. Try loving. Full Stop.”

    Love. Period. Love no matter what. Love despite the pain or hate or anger. Love in the midst of the darkness and the storm. Love when someone tells you you’re deformed or overweight. Love. The question shouldn’t matter when love is the answer.

    • I want to sit quietly at your feet. Hearing your heart beat. Absorbing your words. Feeling my heart grow bigger and bigger. Seeing and feeling this Love become all consuming. So indwelling there is no space for anything else.

      To look out at this world and see as He sees. To feel as he feels. To know as He knows.

      Heal Heather. Your love ignites.
      ((hug))

  4. Love and compassion, believe me I could’ve done it during the first 12 months I was on my own and during other times over the past 5 yrs. But I found value in life where I moved too. I found people that cared, I owe a friend that I met my life, she turned my life around showed me another way, I walked into a church with her and never looked back.

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