“DAY 1: First Blog …”: scarredandscared – 11 November 2014
“Who the heck knows if this will ever be read or cared about, but I now have a place I can call my own to write how I am feeling and not worry about the emotion involved. I am a single female who is currently in recovery, which I am told is going to be a long journey. It took a long time to get this screwed up so no doubt it will take some time to be able to live a normal life without shame, constant depression, self harm, paranoia and all the other lovely things I feel … “
Dear Scarred and Scared – without any comments available under your recent posts, this is the only way I can remind you of what you wanted just over six months ago. There are many more than you know standing with you: not judging, not advising, not fixing. But loads of hugs – lots of love – and plenty of time to listen (add comments again and find out just how many).
I have thoughts of dying almost every day. I feel like there’s no place for me here. The tears just continue to slide down my cheeks. How many times will I OD before it’s really over? How many more scars will my body endure from razor blades and knives? How many more times will I feel like I can’t go on and have that desperate feeling of intense emotion that I can’t hold back? Let this be the last. I don’t want to feel this pain any longer. I want to say goodbye. Forever.