But most of all


Miracles confuse me. The ones selected as worthy for publication.

I have talked to people who claim to know – but GSHJ remains reticent on the whole issue. I have heard from people who say that prayer is where the magic happens – as far as I can tell GSHJ just shrugs His shoulders. Others say that “connection” and “flow” is how it all takes place – a connection of power – GSHJ continues to examine His fingernails as He lolls on the sofa behind me. Special words? Need to be an apostle or a saint? Work my way up to be a kind of God Celeb before I can switch on the power? Nope – that doesn’t get Him busting any moves either.

“On that day, when evening had come, Jesus said to the disciples, “Let us go across to the other side.” And leaving the crowd behind, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. Other boats were with him. A great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him up and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” He woke up and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” Then the wind ceased, and there was a dead calm. He said to them, “Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great awe and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?” Mark 4:35-41

I can empathise with the (damp) dusty peeps. Because when GSHJ shows his raw “God face” – His raw God Power – I shrink back a little with “who then is this”?

And I think of that poor tree. The one whose season for fruit was months away. How GSHG “blasted it” (because He was hungry??). Zapping a tree has to be on the Miracle List – but the “love vibe” seems absent. And here – giving the forces of nature a rollicking – followed by a telling off for the damp peeps? Does Jesus have the occasional “bad hair day”? (well that got a chuckle from Mr Implacable – still checking his nails, but that thought seems to have caught His funny bone). Okay, so no bad hair days (I so wish that was the answer – it would excuse my own grumpy days so much more easily!).

So just where is the Love in these moments? What am I missing? (and that seems to have caught His interest – as I scan the verses again, He is behind me and – this is hard to describe – kind of “synchs my eyes and mind” to one phrase: “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?”)

Sleeping on the job, Lord? Not quite up to your usual standard, Lord. Remember all the stuff you have been preaching – would be good if you sent some our way! Just a humble reminder, dear Father: when we are freaking out, your job is to take away our fear. Is there any chance you could join us for a minute or two – like Right Now?

And I hear Him speak:

“When I am gone and leave you a different form of Me – will you remember tonight? When I have died and risen – will you remember the small stuff – like tonight? Or will you think you have got Me all understood – all neat and tidy? Will you remember the withered tree – or will you waltz around with all the answers? Will you preach the “Good News” – but live it in a very different way (do “the Pharisees” ring any bells)? Will you catch fish for the numbers – or outflow Love because Love does?

(And a small aside … just where did “The Great Commission” come from? Me, or you? I hear that phrase and see “your own withered tree”. Where is the love … what is that all about … can someone explain why you even need that phrase? Thank you.)

Paul, the short answer is this: I could give you everything. But how would that benefit you – how would it “increase your love” – your relationship with others (let alone Me) – your faith – your own power? How would we be “more perfect” if you were able to read this bible “book of conversations” – and know all the answers. How is knowing everything “love”?”

And I pause. And ponder again …

It is so easy to keep “God in a box” – no matter how “unboxy” I wish to be. So easy to have a few conversations and then finish His sentences without checking.

How it is required to never (EVER!) say:

“Me and Him? We are so connected! You aren’t – probably never will be – it takes ages and ages – it takes humility – it takes serving others – it requires me to stand at the back of the queue – just as I am doing now. See this spot here? This is the back of the queue. I know that – but you don’t. And that’s why you need to be saved by me. Because I am better than you. I am part of the Great Commission – that’s just who I am. Don’t thank me for saving you – it is my duty. I love you – isn’t that obvious – everyone at church says so – I just ooze love!”

And I pause. And ponder again …

I need that withered tree – that giving the forces of nature a hard time. I need these conversations – the unanswered questions in this book of conversations. It saves me from screwing God over – saves me from screwing you over – but most of all …

It saves me from screwing me over.

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12 thoughts on “But most of all

  1. Oh, it takes so much EFFORT to be a servant. Don’t we all, when we read or hear a particularly pithy piece of scripture think first of a friend who could benefit from it when, of course, it’s intended for us!

    You’re always so good at reminding me to be humble, Paul. To remember to remove the log and not worry about the splinter.

    Thank you.

  2. . -He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
    Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
    I am not sure why I am sharing these verses. They have been on my mind lately. Maybe they won’t mean anything to you, but maybe they will? For some reason the withered tree made me think of them.

    • Yes – maybe: just Love.

      In my own “living relationships” stuff happens for which I have no answer. And I do not question it mostly. Because mostly it is “safe” and mostly it is “loving”. that is just “them” – and I accept “them”. That tree was the same.
      It was someone I love doing stuff I do not understand, stuff that is safe. I just don’t “get it” right now. But I don’t have to. Not always. Not if I accept Him for “who He is”.
      And whilst I can accept that – then I have to accept I never will fully understand. And that is relationship.

      (Denine – the word “faith” just when KAPOW in my head as I typed that!)
      relationship = faith = relationship?
      faith = love = faith?
      love = God = love?
      God = love = relationship = faith?
      Not sure what that is all about yet …
      Thank you!!

      • And with that I too KAPOW! For me. The tree. Why did it not bear fruit? because it didn’t believe it could. No faith. You paul, despite everything thing I have said and shared accepted me even though you had every reason not too. (just for the record everything I said is true) accept for one thing. Me living less than God made me to be. I think somewhere in my life, I decided it was easier to be rejected for what your not than be rejected for who you really are. I think of Lot’s wife, “His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” We look at each other we judge. Here let me help you out. It is obvious to us you have “issues.” Give up – roll over- believe us – “we are just trying to help you out” But should we believe others about who we are and stop believing God? I understand it now. I keep thinking about Noah. I don’t think Christian’s realize how they sound to atheist. But when you have other Christians to back you up, its easier to not question yourself, your faith. Thanking God for you. You have helped me tremendously. Do I get it all right, no. But neither does anyone else. Rejection for me has been like getting hit in the head with a shovel. It takes me a while to recover. But I am no longer handing my power to other people allowing them to tell me who I am or what I am . They were not there and they are not me. And just because they don’t understand, it doesn’t mean I am wrong. I have peace now that I have been trying to find for a long time. That is the power of love and relationship is accepting, hoping, trusting, encouraging even when we don’t understand. That is how we “help each other out.” Thank you! ((big hug)))

        • Denine – there are times I read these “conversations” in abject awe of the power of love. Now is one of those times.
          Your words … I would have to write paragraphs to try and explain … but all the words in the world would come back to one thing: your words are pure love.
          And connecting and connected to “love” always seems to take me way beyond words! To abject awe!
          Thank You!
          ((hugs))

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