My spiritual fertility

This bunch of words may offend. The intention is not to shock and awe, nor offend and insult. And as He and I pondered His verses this morning, the realisation He shared was far subtler than the words below. My clumsiness with His truth is what I think may offend. If so, please lay these words aside. Thank you.

Jesus said “Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also. Whoever serves me, the Father will honour.” John 12:24-26

Hands in the air time for me. Sowing seeds:

For me it has always been about “them.” Them who haven’t been born again like what I have. Them who don’t believe like what I do. Sowing seeds is changing them. Allowing them to die and be born again. They are the result of my sowing seeds. The fruit of my seed. Me changing them. Me reproducing myself for Him. Being a good Christian. Bringing others to Him.

My realisation this morning in those verses? That we “Christians” are too often obsessed not with loving procreation, but with splashing our seed into others as quickly and as frequently as possible. And where no opportunity is offered – we should grab the nearest person to us and reproduce because we must. Indeed there are Christian courses and training in how to do that better! There are churches who exist only for that purpose. And we applaud that style of living “spiritually” – but condemn that “physical” lifestyle.

Because when you sit back and think about that for a moment (as we did this morning) – how close to spiritual rape is that? You will have my seed. You need my seed. I must give you my seed. You will be so much better with my seed inside you. You said no? But you didn’t mean no did you? I know your no better than you know your no! You meant yes. I know you mean yes even when you say no.

This morning He took those verses and said very simply:

“Does any one seed ever think it’s purpose is to become many?”

And He took me back to when I “fell into the earth” and died. It was all about me and Him – never about you or “them” – never about labels, denominations, ologies – when I fell on my knees and begged that He seed me – I was not saving anyone else. It was “primal” and exclusive to Him and me. It was private and intimate. When I fell to earth and died – I allowed Him – I allowed no one else. And as He blossomed in me – so I blossomed as well. This “new flower” was the child of us both. You and “them” were not even relevant.

He waited until I invited. He waited many decades whilst I flirted with Him – and then went home by myself. He never “obsessed” with procreation and reproduction as we do so often. So am I saying we should not outflow our love of our Lord and Father to others? No. Because I am (personally) finding that “outflowing love” is less and less within my control.

What He allowed me to realise is this: outflowing Love is NOT intentionally “outflowing seed” with the sole purpose of penetrating others. That is not love that is loveless “reproduction” dressed up as Love.

Someone posed a wonderful question some while ago: Who is your relationship with?

God Soft Hands Jesus knows my heart, and yours and each heart that beats with Him or without Him (yet). And – unlike us – He knows that moment. That moment when one beating heart invites Him to their own intensely private moment: when that heart demands and begs Him to enter. And unless I allow the same personal space, choice, and intimacy that I demanded – doesn’t that make me some kind of spiritual sex junkie? And even worse (if there can be) – just who is my relationship with?

Me and my spiritual fertility – or Him?

I had done the writing and was doing the “tagging and categorising” – and He drew me to “Suicide”. WHAM! Suicide.

Dear Lord isn’t “sex junkie” enough for one day? Now You want me to add this? That we each commit suicide willingly and enthusiastically when we die in Him. So why can’t we “good Christians” talk about suicide with others who see that as their own solution – that we insulate them from us as “physical” sin? Why is there no “synergy” and understanding between “us” recovering suicides and “them” struggling suicides?

Okay, Lord, I can add that – because I see truth in that as well.

Sexual predators and denial of our own willing suicide! Now “that” I never expected this morning!

Thank you for reading.


11 thoughts on “My spiritual fertility

  1. I get this!!! Why don’t we trust the Holy Spirit enough? Why do we leave Him out? If we are living as we should be, people would be flocking to us in droves!


  2. Pingback: The Walking Dead | Work for the Cause not the Applause

  3. Awesome post Paul.

    I’ve always felt like forcing the “gospel” onto people was a violation of their person. The distinction you made is quite accurate, yet we see confusion among Christians as to why their message isn’t being received. For me, in the past couple of years, it’s been more about walking alongside others and letting them experience Jesus as I have. Then, maybe they’ll start falling in love with him too, willingly, which is really the only way love can be love.

    It’s interesting to note about suicide. While I was reading your post, it struck me that many seem to have that innate desire to die to self. Of my own story, I contemplated suicide in my teenage years until one day Jesus asked me, “If you’re willing to die, why not just give your life to me?”


    • Hiya John – and what an awesome comment!

      First –
      “For me, in the past couple of years, it’s been more about walking alongside others and letting them experience Jesus as I have. Then, maybe they’ll start falling in love with him too, willingly, which is really the only way love can be love.”

      And then this:
      “While I was reading your post, it struck me that many seem to have that innate desire to die to self … “If you’re willing to die, why not just give your life to me?””

      That “footnote” about suicide has been on my mind since He flipped it. How much we have in common with those and that “innate desire” – yet we push them away (mostly) like some embarrassing infection. And how much – if we reached out and said “me too” – we might bring life where there is only darkness.

      Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Paul I want to respond to your post but I struggle to find the words I want . So I will prayerfully approach my thoughts. TLW John 12:23-26 Jesus replied that the time had come for him to return to his glory in heaven, and that “I must fall and die like a kernel of wheat that falls into the furrows of the earth. Unless I die I will be alone—a single seed. But my death will produce many new wheat kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives. 25 If you love your life down here—you will lose it. If you despise your life down here—you will exchange it for eternal glory.

    26 “If these Greeks[a] want to be my disciples, tell them to come and follow me, for my servants must be where I am. And if they follow me, the Father will honor them.

    These verses for me is what living for Christ is all about. Melissa nailed it in her comment above. Eternity with Jesus is worth all we surrender of the world while we live in these bodies. To allow The Holy Spirit to enter our life and bring about change in us will be evident by our fruits or actions and the way we live. Jesus wanted more than just a few to follow. He wanted all of mankind to follow. So He was willing to die for that cause. (like a seed.) So we must die and become salt and a lamp for the world to see Christ’s Love and hope through us.

    Jesus is so awesome the way He loves all of us so much. How His Spirit flirts with us and beckons us to come to Him. My prayer is to lead as many as possible to Christ while I am here on earth. This was His desire in these scriptures.

    Much Love Tom


    • Dear Tom, I am having the same struggle as you. 🙂 so I am doing “dictation” again.

      Love. Unconditional. Overwhelming. Fearless. Guided and refined. A place where I can hear only His whisper: yes, no, stand, invite, draw towards, pass by, but always Love.
      Does that “make Christians” who stand up and announce they too are born again? Do I – does He – need that affirmation of my commitment to Him?
      I have no answer.
      When this indwelling I share with Him becomes simply dwelling in Him – I have no idea whether numbers will matter even then.
      As always He knows. And all I know is that you have the same Love indwelling in you as I have in me. Because it is the same indwelling in each who allow Him.
      What I do sense is this. That each of us is perfectly created to be the perfect “whatever” He uniquely desires in this abundant abundance we call our “Earth”. I cannot be or do or achieve more than He has in mind for me. Nor you. Nor any of us. Simply because His love for each is beyond any comprehension we have right now. I get a flash here and there. A moment now and then. And it is enough. I know as you do – He Loves.
      I sense with every fibre He has given me that my perfect “whatever” is to simply Love. Not to worry about saving souls. Not to bring others to Him. Just to Love as perfectly as I am able.
      And I ask myself why.
      His answer? Because I ask it.
      I hope and pray that in whatever way He works – that is indeed enough. And when I hear myself worrying it is not – I hear Him again: Ssssshhhhhhhhh Paul, you are getting in the way again.

      You and I? Dirt brothers. You are perfect for Him. Me too. That makes us perfect for each other. I asked about scripture. He just shrugged: Tom gets it, don’t worry about verses.

      Liked by 1 person

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