This bunch of words may offend. The intention is not to shock and awe, nor offend and insult. And as He and I pondered His verses this morning, the realisation He shared was far subtler than the words below. My clumsiness with His truth is what I think may offend. If so, please lay these words aside. Thank you.
Jesus said “Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also. Whoever serves me, the Father will honour.” John 12:24-26
Hands in the air time for me. Sowing seeds:
For me it has always been about “them.” Them who haven’t been born again like what I have. Them who don’t believe like what I do. Sowing seeds is changing them. Allowing them to die and be born again. They are the result of my sowing seeds. The fruit of my seed. Me changing them. Me reproducing myself for Him. Being a good Christian. Bringing others to Him.
My realisation this morning in those verses? That we “Christians” are too often obsessed not with loving procreation, but with splashing our seed into others as quickly and as frequently as possible. And where no opportunity is offered – we should grab the nearest person to us and reproduce because we must. Indeed there are Christian courses and training in how to do that better! There are churches who exist only for that purpose. And we applaud that style of living “spiritually” – but condemn that “physical” lifestyle.
Because when you sit back and think about that for a moment (as we did this morning) – how close to spiritual rape is that? You will have my seed. You need my seed. I must give you my seed. You will be so much better with my seed inside you. You said no? But you didn’t mean no did you? I know your no better than you know your no! You meant yes. I know you mean yes even when you say no.
This morning He took those verses and said very simply:
“Does any one seed ever think it’s purpose is to become many?”
And He took me back to when I “fell into the earth” and died. It was all about me and Him – never about you or “them” – never about labels, denominations, ologies – when I fell on my knees and begged that He seed me – I was not saving anyone else. It was “primal” and exclusive to Him and me. It was private and intimate. When I fell to earth and died – I allowed Him – I allowed no one else. And as He blossomed in me – so I blossomed as well. This “new flower” was the child of us both. You and “them” were not even relevant.
He waited until I invited. He waited many decades whilst I flirted with Him – and then went home by myself. He never “obsessed” with procreation and reproduction as we do so often. So am I saying we should not outflow our love of our Lord and Father to others? No. Because I am (personally) finding that “outflowing love” is less and less within my control.
What He allowed me to realise is this: outflowing Love is NOT intentionally “outflowing seed” with the sole purpose of penetrating others. That is not love that is loveless “reproduction” dressed up as Love.
Someone posed a wonderful question some while ago: Who is your relationship with?
God Soft Hands Jesus knows my heart, and yours and each heart that beats with Him or without Him (yet). And – unlike us – He knows that moment. That moment when one beating heart invites Him to their own intensely private moment: when that heart demands and begs Him to enter. And unless I allow the same personal space, choice, and intimacy that I demanded – doesn’t that make me some kind of spiritual sex junkie? And even worse (if there can be) – just who is my relationship with?
Me and my spiritual fertility – or Him?
I had done the writing and was doing the “tagging and categorising” – and He drew me to “Suicide”. WHAM! Suicide.
Dear Lord isn’t “sex junkie” enough for one day? Now You want me to add this? That we each commit suicide willingly and enthusiastically when we die in Him. So why can’t we “good Christians” talk about suicide with others who see that as their own solution – that we insulate them from us as “physical” sin? Why is there no “synergy” and understanding between “us” recovering suicides and “them” struggling suicides?
Okay, Lord, I can add that – because I see truth in that as well.
Sexual predators and denial of our own willing suicide! Now “that” I never expected this morning!
Thank you for reading.