Discernment used to trouble me


I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m bored. I’m in love. I’m worried. I’m excited. I’m … all those things our bodies and mind tell us from moment to moment. It just ”does”.

I Am.

We have trouble with I Am. Discernment. Hearing Him. Hearing His small still voice. We have dreams. Is that God? We have a thought. Is that God? We hear a voice. Is that Him?

Discernment used to trouble me. Hearing God or imagining God. Which was it?

I am hungry. Am I really hungry? Am I really in need of food? Or am I bored and wanting something comforting? No. I am really hungry. My stomach thinks my throat has been cut! I am hungry!

Discernment used to trouble me. Yet something changed. Something new. Something so small and trivial it never seemed worth mentioning.

God moved in. Or to be more precise, I allowed God more and more space. God indwells. More and more.

Before I had trouble hearing. I used to check – is that Him or is that me? No that’s me. Did He speak or did I imagine that? Should I act on that voice or should I wait? What if …

(Another two words: What. If. Church and “The Church”. Faith and “The Faith”. And now “what if … “)

God moved in. And having allowed that, welcomed Him, allowed God more and more space … There is no more “what if … ” There is no need of “what if … ” God indwells. He is me and I am Him. Why would I need “what if … “?

I was talking with someone whose relationship with their Lord astounds me. Long story – loads of details – not for now. Accept for a moment someone who has a living Lord within. Whose life is at one in One. Daily. Hourly. In the moment. Someone I listened to with awe and reverence (and a load of chuckling).

We talked of another. Another whose life is also at one in One. Who also has a living Lord within. This other hears God speak. Real words. Real conversations.

My friend commented wistfully that they hoped one day to hear God like this other. My friend said they had never heard God speak. Not real words. Not real conversations.

I looked at my friend with confusion. Long story – loads of details – not for now. Accept that my friend hears God. Is at one in One. Lives their life as one in One. And yet they so hoped to “hear God speak”?

Discernment used to trouble me. And now?

I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m bored. I’m in love. I’m worried. I’m excited. I’m … all those things our bodies and mind tell us from moment to moment. It just ”does”.

I Am. Is. The. Same.

Call it a voice, call it a dream, call it a thought, call it anything you want. He will “speak” to you in your own language. And that may be a language without words. If you speak in senses so will He. If you speak in pictures so will He. If you speak in words so will He. He will speak in whatever language you speak and live. Because when He indwells, He lives within. He is you. He is me. He is us.

And just as I know when I am hungry, I know when He speaks.

I know when to stay silent. I know when to speak. I know a tone of voice. I know a touch. I know a sense. I just do.

And yet, quite often – as with hunger – I can override His voice Just as I can go without food when my body calls. I can go without sleep when my eyes are tired. I can stop listening and keep on telling. I can stop hearing and miss what you are saying. I can do all of those things. And I do.

But …

When I am in tune with my body, I know what my body is telling me. When I am in tune with Him, I know what He is saying. I just do. If I allow.

Discernment used to trouble me. Now it doesn’t.

Not when I allow.

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6 thoughts on “Discernment used to trouble me

  1. Such peace is in these words and between these words. Such a rhythm, an ebb and flow. There is an ease about it. I know when He leads, when He speaks through me because I open myself to His use . I become the pitcher out of which His living water pours. When I allow, it is such a lovely walk.

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