Forgive my arrogance and crass stupidity


There are some parts of the bible story I read and shake my head in disbelief. The crass stupidity of the dusty peeps (and the people they walked amongst) as evidenced in their questions, their hopes and desires, their absolute “not getting it”. Time after time.

One such example this morning:

“You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?”
They replied, “We are able.”
Mark 10:35-45

Now I have seen the script, lads. I know what that cup is. I know what that baptism is. And you are merrily nodding “Yes please, Jesus”? Seriously? These people are examples and role models for us?

Well, He took me be my ear and swung me around a little this morning!

“Paul, do you recall some of the things you have asked me, told me, said with other “Christians”, and make your own?”

Would it be okay to wait and see what you have up your sleeve, Lord?

“This is not some magic show, Paul. This is about You and Me! Let me remind you: 
Whatever time I have left I give to you … I give you my body, a living sacrifice … Indwell GSHJ, indwell and let me become You … True?”

Yes, Lord that is true. And I do not retract a word. I am content.

“So how do you know your future, Paul? How is what you willingly and worshipfully tell Me about you any less “arrogant” than James and John? How are you any less “crassly stupid” than the “dusty peeps” (who are as precious to Me as you are)? How do you “get it” so wonderfully whilst they did not? Do you wish Me to tell you your future, Paul – do you?”

And I can feel the beads of sweat on my brow at the thought.

To be told the detail of my future. A future that must be snuffed out in the form I know and love. A future that will exit the many loving relationships in the form I know and love. Snuffing out that just might include more pain than I could bear to contemplate in the rude health I currently enjoy. A future and snuffing out that I just know I would be unable to keep from my most loved ones. A future they would also endure counting down with me. The pain they might endure.

And the loss of “now” we would all suffer. The loss of these precious “now” moments we would all dismiss in mourning for a life still living. A future that might just include losing my loved ones before my snuffing out.  Imagine the pain and loss at “the future” being lived in the “now”.

“I lived an eternity knowing that was My future, Paul. When we unite forever you will “get it”. Until then? We can unite right now, in this moment. Always in this moment.”

Imagine that.  We always think of eternity as Heaven or Hell.  And as authentic Christians we only have Heaven in our future plans.  And here is Jesus telling me He lived an eternity knowing the cross was His future.  That takes “unconditional love” to yet another level (and leaves me something to ponder on our self-created understanding of our simplistic “future options”).

He has been ramming home reason after reason for fellowship, for loving relationship, for inclusion, for “all of us” as one. Today He gives me yet another reason for living in the moment – for not knowing the future. Fellowship and “not knowing the future” (and being content with that) both affect our present, both affect our relationships, both affect our loved ones, affect “all of us” as one. Which means we directly affect our present, this moment – the moment we can unite with our loving Lord and Father – or not.

James and John – blissfully unaware of what Jesus had just told them?. When their “in the moment” time came? It was enough. They were enough. He was enough. He is always enough. We are always enough. If we allow.

Dear Father, thank you. Let me always be enough. The simplicity of “being enough” You have shown me, allowed me, shared with me every time that I allow You – in so many times, so many moments, so many places.  Always in the moment no matter where, no matter what.  Thank you.  Amen.

And James and John – forgive my arrogance and crass stupidity.

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