He allows me to change me


Do you spend enough time listening to God?

Usually the answer from me is – well I try, but I should do better 😦

Always the add-on, the gee-up, the put-down, the not good enough. Why is that I wonder? I was reading some posts – some are full of doom and gloom, some are full of wise words and inspired thinking, and some are somewhere in between.

And then I came across one that connected. The key words were “love” and “actions”. How would others see “love” in her “actions” – she wanted to show love better through her better actions more of the time. Must do better.

Beauty Beyond Bones is beautiful. Her post “*Going Undercover” is deffo worth a long and thoughtful ponderful-read.

And BBB got me thinking. If we try and persuade by our actions we will be only partially “successful”. The comments underneath BBB’s post added to that thought. Because the perceptions of others are how our actions are … “perceived”.

What do I mean?

As I sit here reading and now typing, my family are coming and going. I face the window, they pass behind me. They are getting ready for the day. They are moving quickly to their own routines and habits. I turn around to “connect” by my actions – and they have no time. And if they paused to connect with me by their actions – I would probably not even notice.

It is not just God I am not listening to enough – it is everyone – all the time – and they to me (or not – if you get my drift).

We are reliant not upon being judged by our actions, we are reliant upon others actually having the time to notice our actions.  And for that to happen is back to “relationship” – not of the intimate kind. But relationship of the “timing kind”. The kind God Soft Hands Jesus does so well. When He slides in unnoticed and then slides in a word or a whisper that I make my own. That I roll around my head. That I bounce off Him, that I take the initiative and talk back. THEN we converse.

You and me – we do that to each other. Sometimes.

But to do that – don’t we have to be “listening” first?  Not for that moment when we can act and change that person (by us doing something profound and loving) – but by not doing any of that at all. Just like GSHJ does so well. He allows me to own me. He allows me to grow me. He allows me to change me. His Actions are of Love – but of the “timing kind”.  And whilst we write saintly poetry, we sing songs of praise, we bow in worship, we do all that “stuff” together … those actions are of our timing and of our place and of our choice.

But the whispers? The sliding in? The silent waiting? The silent watching? The unnoticed by me all of that time. That is relationship of the “timing kind”. And those loving actions always go unnoticed.

So I want what BBB describes. I want to be more loving. I want my actions to be more loving. I want someone, if they were watching me, to see love in my actions.

But are we really prepared to judge “doing nothing” as a loving action? Are we “connected” enough that not doing anything at all is perhaps the most loving action of all?  That the waiting quietly, the allowing others to own themselves and their thoughts and feelings and their own time … that is the action of love?

God Soft Hands Jesus is teaching me this.

His timing is perfect all the time. He knows my every heartbeat and breath. He knows my every thought and doubt. He knows me better than I know me. He never lets me down like I let myself down. He always waits until I am ready. And he allows me to be me all the time – good, bad, and indifferent.

He. Allows. Me. To. Change. Me.

And oddly – of late – when I “emulate” that (bunch of stuff), He floods me with more and more. All the answers. All the words. All the intuition. All the timing.

Relationship of the timing kind.

And – I think – that allows each of us to be who we are. Because that allows you to “be who you are”.  In the line at a supermarket. Driving our car down a road. Sitting in a train. Walking along the street. Even sitting in a church.

And – it seems to me – my actions are not “a choice”. My actions are who I am.

And unless I change me – unless I Am Love more and more – then “timing” goes out of the window – because listening stopped. And then relationship stops – because my actions are in my time and of my choice – not yours – they are not actions (or love) of the “timing kind”.

That is the theory – as for the “practical” … ?

Must do better!  🙂 

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One thought on “He allows me to change me

  1. I am tempted to delete the words “should” and “enough” from my verbiage. I will always think I should do more or am not enough. But resting in Jesus. Letting Him love me on the inside changes me on the outside. And there is a whole lot of waiting in loving people and Jesus. Waiting on them. With family I’m learning to wait on them to see and change, the active part is praying for their journey and asking God to comfort, guide, and draw them close. I know as they are closer to HIM all the stuff I would change will fall away in Him, in His time, in His love–without judgement or pushing. I’ve been thinking a lot lately that in our zeal for Jesus we often want to act with His power, but He wants us to act from our ONENESS with Him. From intimacy and unity comes the power of love. And intimacy . . . isn’t that from waiting. Resting. Seeking. Asking. Being at peace with Him and me? Letting Him lead me to the changes I need to make.

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