A teenager’s fantasy

“I want you to go all the way.”

Is every male teenager’s fantasy (unless I am alone in my fantasies). Go all the way!  All the way! The Way!

“Jesus also told them a parable: “Can a blind person guide a blind person? Will not both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully qualified will be like the teacher. Why do you see the speck in your neighbour’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbour, ‘Friend, let me take out the speck in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbour’s eye.” ”  Luke 6:39-42

First take the log out of you own eye.

Always that is the advice I have taken, been given, give others – remove the log from your OWN eye. And this morning my God Soft Hands Jesus said: “I want you to go all the way. I want you to remove the log from your own eye and then … “

And I wonder – how often do I NOT go all the way the with GSHJ? How often do I flirt, do the foreplay – and then stop. Happy with the feelings of arousal – never inclined to find out what is on the “other side”. The other side being when I give myself fully and with abandon. When I intentionally lose control. When I have no control (other than to panic and say STOP!)

And then … Is scary. And then … means looking at a spec in someone else’s eye. And then … is “doing something” with someone about a spec in their eye. And then … is uncharted territory for me. And then is the practical application of “love is always the answer” – the “application” of relationship and more than me just spouting good words – the application which IS me and another.

How often do I go all the way with GSHJ? I thought I did. I thought I was. And this morning He lovingly suggested that we are both still waiting for me to go all the way. That too often I withdraw feeling all tingly and connected. But never actually delivering. Never actually getting to my neighbour. Always clinging to what I am comfortable with – me and Him exclusively.

I want you to go all the way.  How often do we ask that of our own children?

Don’t be scared, don’t worry, just take it one step at a time – you’ll see – you’ll be fine – I will be here all the time – I am not going anywhere. Just try it – give it a go and find out how wonderful you can be!

That loving snipping of the rope that keeps them from straying. The ties that bind them too close. The independence our children both yearn and fear. The becoming of who they are and can be and may be – if they allow.

This morning He asked that of me. And I am scared. Just like our own children were scared as they took their first steps “away”. And then found they were never “away” – just free to roam and still be connected in a better way. A more loving way. A way where desire replaces duty. Where love replaces obligation. When relationship replaces “because I say so.”

I want you to go all the way.  And as He and I look at each – the truth rests comfortably.

IF my GSHJ wanted anything less – how would that be unconditional love? If I desire anything less – how is that love unconditional? And as I look deep into His eyes – I begin to see through them. – I see what GSHJ sees.

I see how far we have travelled together already. I see the great distance we have come. And I see how we close we have grown. My stepping out each day – the steps I am not even aware of taking … Those steps are bringing us BOTH closer to each other. That no matter how far I step away – we become tighter. And I hear Him chuckling. And I hear myself joining in.

Isn’t that what happens with children? That surprise when they realise that they have more in common with their parents than they ever thought they could or would. When “Mum and Dad” become … “people!!”.  People with whom they already have a deep bond. A bond that liberates rather than binds. And some never do. Some never will. Some never have. So often the pain of a living loss. Of not having more in common. Of questioning that bond. Yearning for the bond others seem to have.

And I look through His eyes again. And I see way back. And all the way to this moment. And all the way beyond this moment (which is most cool!). And there is no pain. There is no division. Not between He and me. I see infinite patience. I see infinite gentleness. I see infinite skin on skin. I see bottomless honesty. I see absolute trust. I feel love. I feel secure. I feel at home. I am in His eyes the most beautiful and important relationship He ever had and has. I am the centre of His universe. I am infinite in His eyes.

I want you to go all the way.

And I look into His eyes and I wonder – what reason could I ever have for NOT wanting to go all the way?


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