My body is revolting.
I love saying that word in different contexts. The workers are revolting. The children are revolting. Our dog is revolting. The assumption of disgust versus the truth of uprising.
For the past eight-nine months we have changed out eating-way-of-living. Weightwatchers Smart Points. And as we are both thoroughly modern Millys, the Weightwatchers App (no meetings) way of living. We both lost/are losing pounds/kilos. And on holiday we relax and put some back on – and then that comes off when we get home. It is lifestyle not diet. It is welcome change rather than terrified trauma.
Both of us are in the Christmas Spirit and relaxing some. Already I can feel “back on” beginning. Which is not a trauma – I now know that what goes on comes off again quite easily. Yet this time – unlike on holiday – it is an uncomfortable “back on”. This time the back on is from sugar. This time back on is from “normal food” we used to consume by the tin, packet and box – this time “normal eating” (as we used to). This time eggy burps “back on”.
On holiday we try different styles of cooking. We drink different drinks. We have more bread. But more fish. More exercise. More fresh air. More relaxation. More sleep. More sun. And hardly any sugar as normal. On holiday we are not revolting. On holiday we get bigger. And then get back to normal again.
But “normal living” right now still includes all the “normal things” – like work and routine … cutting corners and fitting life in … and (now) … sugar. The same sugar that was our “normal living” less than one year ago. The sugar we no longer miss because we have found so much else.
And today we are four sleeps from Christmas day. So pressure is mounting to be happy. To be jolly. To get into the spirit of Christmas and not be a Grinch. Drinks (sugar) and food (sugar) are everywhere. Those in the Christmas Spirit offer them all day and all night. To refuse is to be named a Grinch. Except …
What exactly is a Grinch?
Maybe a Grinch is not the saying yes or no. Maybe a Grinch is insisting that we all live by my rules. My insistence that this is bad, that that is bad (and “the other” is even worse). My insistence that my rules rule.
So if you insist on consuming sugar in all its forms right now – why should I want to stop you? Why would I want to tell you why I am a sugar Grinch – or that you are (it all gets so confusing)? That I don’t – and never will (not since “SmartPoints (the app)” opened my eyes and saved me)! That you should not (?) too!
Because what if your putting on will then be your taking off? What if your lifestyle doesn’t need SmartPoints (the app) like I need SmartPoints (the app)?
What if …
My eggy burps are reconnecting me? What if my discomfort is reminding me of what I have gained? What if my “back on” reconfirms for me my own joy in my “coming off” in my way? Might I remember that my decisions over this festive time are still just that – Mine. And what if I remember that yours are also yours (and not mine at all)?
I know Someone like that.
Today is the shortest day in the northern hemisphere.
I will not notice. Not until someone tells me. And even then I will not notice. My brain is revolting. Why should it be obliged to notice that tiny fraction of whatever measure is used for such things? Because tomorrow I will not notice either. Not unless I miss so much else by counting the seconds to darkness.
Today I am still tainted by original sin.
I will not notice. Not until someone tells me. And even then I will not notice. My soul is revolting. Why should I be obliged to make choices out of fear imposed by those who make that fear “the mystery of God”? Because tomorrow I will not notice either. Not unless I count each “the mystery of God sin” by His seconds to my own darkness.
“As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.” Luke 1:39-45
My eggy burps are leaping today. My soul is revolting TODAY.
So what will I choose today … ?
My prison of darkness … or …
His freedom of lightness?