Please – someone – anyone – everyone …
Judge me for what I will be tomorrow!
I need you to judge me for what I was,
For what I am, and for what I may be tomorrow.
I remember years ago working up the rungs of my career ladder. One rung at a time. One job at a time. One company at a time. I worked and worked. I schmoosed and schmoosed. I made mistakes. I had the ladder kicked from under me. I put it back again.
I told work I wanted to be the best I could for them. I told my wife I was only doing all of this for us and our family.
I worked late nights and early mornings. I kissed sleeping children goodbye. I kissed sleeping children goodnight when I got home. I was a chameleon. With a different colour for every situation. For every person. It was fun. It was a buzz. It was exciting. It was what you have to do to get on. ‘Cos there ain’t no-one gonna do it for ya!
So judge what I will be tomorrow – who I will be tomorrow – how I will be tomorrow … Please – I need you to do that for me.
I remember topping the mountain! The pinnacle of promotion! I had arrived! I was the boss! My own desk. My own fancy leather chair. My own floor-space. My own title. I was it. A very little it in a very big corporate. But I was a big it in my little bit of it. All that hard work had finally paid off. I was going to cruise this boss stuff and go higher still!
So judge what I will do tomorrow – criticise the decisions I may make in the morning.
And my first day as the big cheese was the must gut-wrenching, internally traumatising, complete and utter deception I have ever been a part of.
I had not reached the top – I had arrived at a massive plateau. One that stretched far beyond my sight. One that was completely flat. One that was covered in fog. Thick fog. Sound deadening fog. Senses depriving dampness. A sterile and lifeless and isolating nothingness.
I spent the whole day not knowing what to do. I had deceived well. And I walked from here to there. And then there to here. I stopped and consulted. Then walked over there and consulted again. I sat at my desk. In my big cheese chair. In the middle of my big cheese floor-space. And felt totally vulnerable.
I felt watched. I felt judged. I felt I had to look busy – but had no idea how. I felt surplus to requirements. I felt a fraud. And when it was finally time to go home – I went – FAST! That was the best part of the whole excruciating big cheese first day! I could finally escape and be me again.
I learned something that day. Something that has stayed with me ever since. I learned not to judge someone today for what I think they will be or do or say tomorrow.
Happy Inauguration Day.