I have been looking for an answer. Computer stuff. The question doesn’t matter. The answer does. I found the answer eventually. A low-tech-retro keyboard is the answer and I now have to find a low-tech-retro keyboard. And once I do – and once I plug it in – THAT will allow “the magic” to happen. And that will give me back a computer I don’t have right now.
How often do I chase answers to this God Stuff?
The questions don’t matter. None are life and death. Not to my living or dying today.
Just like a well-fed human “toys” with a plate of food … so too my new “God Stuff” questions. Physically, mentally and emotionally I am “well-fed”. And much of this God Stuff has become a curiosity just like my “hi-tech-today” computer stuff. Now the bible becomes a curiosity. Praying another. Fellowship too. And now church of the denominational kind just stale crusts to be pushed to one side.
But when I was starving?
I could not “gorge” – although I wished to (indeed I thought I was gorging). For then I had only occasional crumbs. Then I could not “toy” (and never wished to) for then each day was life and death – my life and my death. Then I was not well-fed inside. Then my soul craved sustenance. Then I was slowly starving and my soul distended with hunger. Then God Stuff was precious. Then a whisper was enough. Then a word full filling. Then fellowship exquisite. Then a single verse worth a whole novel. Then I read myself to sleep with my god … my bible … my comforter.
Then … ?
There were no questions.
Like a rich man I now look back with fondness. A sentimental-rose-tinted fondness. A time I would never now wish to revisit. But a time now when everything then was bright … alive … real. Like a rich man now I look around at these verses today. Now they are more of the same – but not the same – nothing can ever “be the same” – not then and not now.
Then I never knew the questions. Then I was given so many answers. Then I became a rich man. And now I toy with questions.
Yet now – my soul once again craves sustenance. Yet now – not through hunger. Now the search is for a delicacy. Now fine dining. Now only a perfection of flavours will do.
My god warns of pride.
Is this pride – or knowing that today and tomorrow I am/will be well-fed physically, emotionally, and mentally?
Is that pride or is that boredom? Is that living or is that cruising? And is this how love creeps out …
“Love is always the answer, now ask your question … “
It’s been quite a while since I wrote these simple words.