I was reading a post this morning – and have read quite a few in the past – of ladies who ponder future husbands in the same sentence as God. Almost all conclude with something akin to … “God will find me a husband, God hasn’t finished with me yet.”
As a husband, father and grandfather, someone who nurtures a living God within – as just another human being – that troubles me at so many different levels.
“I am saving myself.”
I never met any ladies who were. I met a lot of ladies who said “no” at a certain point. I met a very small number who said “yes” too fast. And I met a lot who were simply themselves … who didn’t know if they would say yes or no (until they did). But had I met someone who was “saving herself” … ? I would have been out of there (too fast).
“God will bring me the one.”
That may be true. But how will you know (until decades later)? Because I have never found God to want to dictate who I should or shouldn’t like. And as a father – I only want our daughters to respect who they are and will become. So if they see something in a person that I don’t like – how do I respect them by insisting they listen to me?
“God hasn’t given up on me yet.”
You, ma’am, are a wonderful person. You have the confidence to share some of your life in a blog. You engage with others in comments and conversation. And yet you are giving up on you (no God required). You are waiting for God to deliver “Mr Right” like you expect a pizza delivery – heavy on the pepperoni – and within the next thirty minutes please.
When I was dating I learned rejection. I learned fear. I learned I was looking in the wrong places. I learned hunting for a partner is a solo activity. Which keeps me from relaxing. Keeps me from being myself. Keeps me from people who are relaxing, being themselves, having fun, connecting, liking, wanting to know more, having relationships – based not on need – but on “no need at all”.
Which is where I found my partner.
With hindsight God was there. But he was there with all the others that I kept moving on from (and who moved on from me) – no God required. My God delights in who I am and I who I become. My God delights in this delightful lady being the lady she is and will become. My God delights in letting us find out if we are the delightful couple we think we might be.
But had this delightful lady brought her God along to judge me … I would have been out of there in a flash. Had I brought my God along to judge her … ditto.
I was not “all I am” on that first date. Nor was this delightful lady. The world, my God, and my lady all prefer me to grow, to learn, to become, to keep becoming, to keep growing, and to allow that in others – no matter who they are. I know I want that of my Miss Right.
And that is why “Mr Right” is not out there.
Mr Right – like you – will keep changing and keep moving. Until he connects with someone who is not his “Miss Right” but someone whose imperfections make (and keep on making) a perfectly delightful fit with his.
And then you will probably want to keep moving together.
And thirty-three years later (and more “fights” than either of us wanted) … that is when we agree that we might have met “Mr or Miss Right” that first night. And then one of us does something – and neither of us agree (again).