These few words of orgasm began my meander into, what I thought, was an examination of one divisive “hot button” issue of faith.
Then I found myself in the infinite – a sudden realisation of the phrase “the answer is always love” – a breathing-in of eternity so vast … there really IS no beginning and there really IS no end: seeing “unconditional love” for the very first time. Seeing that love … is.
And realising that measuring my progress and performance … ? That doesn’t measure love – that measure “how much” is measuring me – not love. And with that came the realisation that my “one divisive issue of faith” was (for me) simply a symptom of something else.
A symptom of creation. With the “issue” becoming (for me): “Creation – of man (made god)”.
Man made creation of original sin … of living creations born to sin … of creations who are you and me that we make sinners saved only by grace … of creations we name as saved … and of creations we also name as not. And within that man-made list – a pattern (of something that addresses my own discomfort with a lot of the “institution and tradition” of church).
That the “creation – of man (made god)” has an unhealthy obsession with sin.
And I don’t know why that is – when the alternative is love – when the God Soft Hands Jesus who “knocks” at our door (not His) is love – when the bible describes the best job man can do at describing “love”.
It troubles me that we singled out “sin” as the focus of this relationship.
I was reminded how my answer to a question posed two years ago would be different to my answer today. The question is the same but I have changed.
Just as my relationship with God Soft Hands Jesus changes. My relationship with myself changes – with friends – with family – with all around me. My relationship with the bible changes. My relationship with love changes. My relationship with words changes. My relationships change and will continue changing (if I allow).
So this “foray” left me trying to keep up with what GSHJ is showing me.
(which is nothing new in the context of human and spiritual history – but is new to me and my journey of changing relationship)
“Follow me” requires only changing relationship with GSHJ. Physical and spiritual change. But no complex theology. No qualification. No ministry. “Follow me” requires no destination, no pathway agreed in advance. “Follow me” requires only a changing relationship formed of trust and love. Take away “creation – of man (made god)” and all that is left is “Follow me.”
Simple. Without an agenda. Without politics. With a focus on love. Not sin.
Jesus never forced me to change.
He invited my change. He invites changing relationship. And GSHJ speaks to all of us through a “Bible of that Time” – through “rituals of that time” – through “rites and traditions” of that Time. And “that” doesn’t trouble me.
What troubles me is the teaching of My Time.
For the teaching of My Time – it seems to me – is (once again) of “creation – of man (made god)”. The teaching of My Time is (once again) a teaching of right and wrong … of control and law … of sin and sinners and saving … a teaching of gatekeepers and gatekeeping … of a tradition created of man.
And just as “the institution of god” was challenged two thousand years ago by the Jesus of That Time – I see that we have quietly rebuilt similar rules and etiquette with the same obsession with sin.
This past week has shown me the reality of love (no more unconditional). And THAT troubled me.
Because I looked back and see my journey of counting, of measuring, of conditions, of tests, of so much that is a “creation – of man (made god)”. Of the institution I support, help maintain, perhaps have added to in a small way.
I struggle not to count even today (and tomorrow). My “genetic religious coding” of original sin” troubles me. For it seems to be a “genetic religious coding” of “creation – of man (made god)”.
A relationship with sin – not love.
But a structure I now hesitate to tear down. Because Jesus never tore anything down. He only overturned a few tables. Yet He overturned so much more through not tearing down anything at all. And THAT troubles me.
For if I am a follower …
Why has it taken all this time before GSHJ felt able to show me how to stop counting, stop measuring, stop judging – to stop judging who to forgive and who not … ?
To realise (again) that sacred relationship does not “count” or “measure”. That sacred relationship looks back – but follows forwards always in this moment. And that in “this moment” … the only gate … the only measure … the only conditions …
Are those I create.
In this moment …
There is only love.
Is that why really living in the infinity and eternity of “this moment” always in love scares me so much?
And is that the “why” of our preferred “creation – of man (made god)”?