My unknowing gift offering

“Danda” (or should that be “Danda?”)

The quiet call of a two-year-old waking from his afternoon siesta.  My office is next door to the grandchildren’s bedroom.  And Xander speaks one word quietly when he wakes. 

“Danda.”  (is that a question or a statement?) 

I have no idea whether it is or isn’t.  Some days I think it a question, some days a statement.  What matters to me is that I hear first time, and I reply every time …

“I’m here.”

This morning I was reading this: “As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging.  When he heard a crowd going by, he asked what was happening.  They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”  Then he shouted, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”  Those who were in front sternly ordered him to be quiet; but he shouted even more loudly, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”  Jesus stood still and ordered the man to be brought to him; and when he came near, he asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”  He said, “Lord, let me see again.”  Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has saved you.”  Immediately he regained his sight and followed him, glorifying God; and all the people, when they saw it, praised God.” Luke 18:35-43

The more I read the bible, the more simple the words become.  All I see is this:

Danda.” ... “I’m here.”

A lot of the time Xander doesn’t know what he wants.  A lot of the time Xander can’t verbalise what he wants.  Not the detail, not the list, not the do this and do that.  And I have come to learn that THAT is not the important bit – “the list” is not the important bit – “the doing” is not always the important bit either.  The important bit is the confidence of knowing without knowing, the assurance of knowing without knowing, the comfort of knowing (without knowing) only this …

“Danda” “I’m here”

And I have come to learn that the bible teaches – the bible explains (if I allow) – the bible is what it is – any book can only ever be “what it is” …  But me …?

I change and keep changing (even back to what I was before).  And the words and my questions of the bible (I think) is because of what I am not any longer.

I am not (spiritually) two years old.  I am not (spiritually) confident in my knowing any more.  I have lost the assurance – the comfort – of (spiritually) knowing without knowing.  I have dwelt on the “But the important questions are this”. I get caught up in “But what is the meaning of this?”   I prefer to “work” rather than “rest”.  I was taught that is what the bible is about:

The Work of Believing.

But through that work I am learning again.  I am learning that the bible is not “it” … worship and praise are not “it” … sin and forgiveness are not “it” … even “being saved” is not “it” …

I am learning that “I am it”.

And when I call out I mostly have no idea if I am asking or telling.  But I have learned this from a two-year old child:  The knowing without “knowing” is a precious gift (just as is “I’m here”  just as “Danda” is Xander’s unknowing gift offering  – just as my unknowing is. 

And without this knowing without knowing – the rest (the entire bible) will always just be words, questions – and “my proof verses”.

Two year old’s are wise.



1 thought on “My unknowing gift offering

  1. Pingback: Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing | Just me being curious

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.