Be careful what you wish for.

How often have I heard that little saying?  When something I wanted or needed so badly that nothing else would do.  Often it becomes an obsession.  And I usually only find out “after the event”.  When someone has the courage to tell me.  And I have the motivation to listen.  And that is usually when those I love the most have been hurt the most.

Work was one such obsession.  I was only “doing it for you – doing it for us, darling.”   A better house, a better car, better holidays, more fun-money, more treats … a better life … That was always my response.  It was never about me.  Never my fault.  Never my obsession.  Not even missing a little one’s special something … keeping my wife waiting … apologising for being late … explaining why I have to be in early … having no idea what the family are doing … All so we could have a better life.

The truth?  It was all about me.  Always.  How do I know?  When I grew tired of what was required at work to keep the “ego (and bank balance) strokes” going at work … When my family suffered my mid-life crisis … That was when I found out that having a better life had already happened at home every day … without me.

You find what you are looking for.

This one never used to be a biggie for me.  This one crept up on me around the same time that “Love is always the answer” arrived in my life.  I found that one invites the other.  That once you find love is the answer to everything – then why would I want to look for anything else?  Because love is everywhere in everything and everyone.  And finding love in unexpected places and people is life-changing.

Compare looking for sin with looking for love.  The difference is stark.  One is a life of guilt and duty.  The other a life of freedom and abundance.  One is about chasing a better life after this life (of guilt and duty).  The other is about living this life in freedom (from guilt and duty).

But mostly, I have found that when I wish to be free from sin – I need to keep looking for sin.  I need to keep looking for sin so that I can find it.  And once I find it … I congratulate myself.  I have found what I am looking for – so I look for more sin.  And congratulate myself again.  That is a very odd obsession.  The “splinter-log” is obsession with sin.  The bible is obsession with sin.  Except it isn’t.  Not if you look for love.

Love is always the answer.

Love really does change everything.  I find that I don’t need to wish.  I don’t need to look for sin.  I don’t even need the promise of a better life.  I don’t even think I need to be saved.

Finding love makes “need” irrelevant.  Makes sin irrelevant.  Makes guilt and duty irrelevant.  Makes the bible about love not sin.  Makes us safe.  Makes us courageous.  Makes us different – but “okay different” – because we are more the same than different.  Love means different is good, not bad.  Unless you look for sin.  Then we all need to be different.  Because sin looks for difference.  Sin needs bad different.  Sin needs a lot.  Sin is high maintenance.

Love doesn’t.  Love isn’t.

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