Twenty years ago this very day our family moved to the house we still live in. Then it was full of young people. Now it is our grandchildren growing up. Then it was “life balance” of work and money and family. Now it is “life balance” of family and work and money.
Before this home we had moved house six times in our short married life. Always for the next job. Always for a better job. Always for a better salary. Always a better house. Always chasing a better life.
I used to sit and ponder the web of walking we all do. How those webs intersect. How each direction, each meeting, each chapter of life is so fragile. One different decision made. One different person spoken to. One different job advert seen. One interview done differently. One house for sale not seen. How all those intersections have more possibilities than my brain can process.
Yet all of those moments led to where we are today. How some call that fate. That there is no choice in the matter. It is pre-determined. How some call that God. That there is no choice in the matter. It is pre-determined. How we use ideas like “karma” … “sod’s law” … “the gods were smiling” … How we like the idea of something bigger than us that is never “real”. Always just a vague beneficent personal (but impersonal), never close (but close enough), not eternal (but around before and after my lifetime) … But NEVER real “something”.
Never a real friend (as I know my real Friend).
Now I ponder the weirdness of that.
How we like a vague beneficent something so long as there is no accountability, responsibility or relationship involved. How my Friend makes me slightly odd. Makes me “religious”. Makes me a “servant”. Means I have to go to “church”. Means I have to “pray”. Have to “read the bible”. Have to “tithe”. Means I should really accept that I am a “Christian”.
I call my vague beneficent something ”God Soft Hands Jesus”. You call it karma or sod’s law or fate. I call it my Friend. You don’t. Or you call that “being a Christian”. You call that “being saved” . You call that “being born again”. You call that lots of things that do not require relationship either. Just like karma and fate and sod’s law and religion and church and hell or heaven are not so different.
I think “home” is not a building. I think home is relationship. I think relationship is love. And love is family. And family is relationship. And relationship is home. Just like my Friend. My Friend is relationship – personal AND safe.
A “personal” beneficent something the only difference.
Twenty years today we moved into this building we call home. Safe is home. Safe is the love in relationship happening to be in a certain space and a certain place of a certain time. Safe is not a building. Safe is home.
Like a stable.
Yes, finding home.
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