While housebound and a patient patient, our daughter gave birth to their first child. A little chap who is beautifully imperfectly perfect. Two new parents overnight. Parents finding the difference between theory (and folk-lore) and reality. Reality is 72 hours of being responsible for this new life – as this new life changes from ‘a baby’ to ‘our child’.
As parents and grandparents our love is as intense and unconditional as theirs. Love is reality. The reality of love is not to tell. The reality of love is not to take over. The reality of love is not to teach. Not right now. Right now the reality of love is to support. Is to encourage. Is to reassure. Is to allow.
New parents become “parents”, just as new grandparents become “grandparents”. And in living the reality is to allow, is to support, is to encourage, is to reassure. New parents are already good parents. Just without the evidence to prove that to the new parents who think they are not. And just what are good parents? What is the difference?
The reality of living with a child created and grown and birthed. The reality of learning through living. The reality of living and loving. The reality of loving a new life 24/7. The living of reality. The words of experts spoken and written can both help and harm. The wisdom of experts written and spoken can both help and hinder. Those words are not of love. They are of teaching and telling. They are of average and expectation. They are not of this one new life, this two new parents, this core family for whom no wisdom or advice or expectation fits perfectly.
I am a follower of love. A liver of a loving life. A life that is my reality. A living that comes complete with words of wisdom, words of expectation, words of teaching. Yet words that fit imperfectly with my reality. My reality is love. A love that allows, that supports, that encourages, that reassures. And that love will disagree with words of experts and teachers. That love will not live in the words of should and must and can’t and don’t. The reality of my love does not live in words.
Is living in love. And that is living within relationship. And relationship is me and you. And all the words of teaching must not drown out you hearing me and me hearing you. Or else we cannot allow each other, support each other, encourage each other and reassure each other. And if we cannot do that …
What is our reality?