As I approach a return to work next week, these past four weeks have been a wake-up call. A call to acknowledge and own this label of COPD. A call to grow into knowing my body better. To learn what is normal and what is not. To be pro-active in living with a change in me that I preferred to ignore.
And the same for the company I work for.
A wake-up call that my presence each day, each week, each month cannot be taken for granted. A call to acknowledge and own the vagaries of life and employing living people. People who change, people who are imperfect, people who are not machines.
I had an email explaining that plans were afoot to employ someone to make sure my role was not so vulnerable to my living. That email challenged me.
Do I fear the new future – or do I embrace it … my choice.
If I fear for my future employment, my future income, my future ability to provide a lifestyle and living we have become attached to – I will fear each day – I will judge each day – I will interpret each day – I will look for evidence of my job being minimised and evaporated – I will seek badness – I will seek fear – I will see ugly.
That was my immediate default choice: fear and ugly.
Yet reality says there is another choice. That my job has been under threat in the past. But that the reality was a redesigned and changed job-spec. A reality that saw others employed to support the tedium and weekly grind of my job content. A reality that my new job-spec focused on relationships and interactions with those important to the business. That the new “job” grew to fill the entire week with the same – but different pressures – pre-redesign.
My choice was to believe and trust my employer valued my skills and experience. A choice to seek the good and not the ugly.
And that was my choice again this week (after reflection and the immediate “default”).
I may be wrong – I may be right …
My job security may be secure – or not. Yet what do I lose by seeking fear and ugly – and what do I gain by seeking love and trust?
I lose fear and I gain balance.
A balance and grounding to be open to new opportunities. New opportunities to bring the same skills and experience – proven to be valued – to new challenges. A grounding and balance to be open to choice – open to goodness – open to be more of the person I wish to be: to own who I am, rather than fear who I am not.
If you were an employer, a friend, a lover, an acquaintance … which choice would you prefer I make?
(and what choice would you prefer you make?)