That’s why I don’t pray anymore


“And in fact there are days when the prayers feel very dry –

 

almost like I am talking to a brick wall.”

 

 

There are so many explanations for ”prayer”.   And a bit like making love or having sex, each of us seems to come complete with the expectation of mutual spiritual orgasm.  Because if I am doing it properly and we are really connected then that is the closest image I can come up with.  He and I in perfect union.

My own experience of mutual orgasm comes way before the action itself.  It begins with real connection way before the physical stuff starts.  A connection that lifts the spirit.  That is union of being rather than of doing.  And what follows is the most natural thing in the world.  Because that connection remains throughout.  The doing of mutual orgasm might be physical and chemical – but that only makes it the mind-blowing experience of spirit.  And don’t tell anyone.

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But that connection and union of being?

THAT is what rocks my world.  Because THAT is a living thing not a bedroom thing.  THAT is a life-changing thing AND a lives-changing thing.  THAT outflows AND  connects with others.  THAT makes each and every day so much better.  THAT is a place of healing and growth, a place of safety and intimacy, a place to live and love.  No orgasms required – but where orgasms happen quite naturally.

.

Does God have orgasms?

Is how we break the connection:  Was it good for you God?  Did I live up to your expectations?  Gotta say you could have been a more proactive.  You seemed somewhere else.  Felt like I was doing all the work.  Felt like you were holding back on me.

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Does God need our prayers?

And that word “need” breaks the connection:  Was I good enough for you God?  Did I fill your need for me to connect?  Did you hear me properly?  Did you listen to my words?  Do you know what I need you to do?

.

“And in fact there are days when the prayers feel very dry –
almost like I am talking to a brick wall.”

.

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Orgasms are of moisture.  Are of creation and conception when we allow.  Are not talking but doing.  But orgasms are of a second or seconds.  Orgasms are a release.  Orgasms take us somewhere else.  But orgasms also test the physical.  Make the heart beat faster.  Blood pump quicker.  Breathe breath deeper (or not at all).  Orgasms in overdrive over a sustained period will damage the very body we celebrate together as so fertile and so capable of our wonderful orgasms.

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Wait for me God.

There are days my relationship is a connection of union.  And there are days I want to be alone.  Days when talking to God is too tiresome.  Too much like work.  Not satisfying.  Leave me alone God, get out of my head, get out of my soul.  Let me be dear Lord, just for a while.

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Does God do that to us?

I think not. I think all of that is me and my needs.  I need to be alone.  I need an orgasm.  I need to know God is real.  I need to know I matter to God.  I need to be alone for a while and just zone out.  I need God to wait for me.

And, for me, that is my sadness.

Because those are the times when God Soft Hands Jesus IS what He IS.  When GSHJ knows what I “need” even before I do.  When GSHJ is what I want before I know it myself.

I have taken need out of our relationship.

And boy – does that take the pressure off performing!  I have taken “prayer” out of our relationship – and don’t have to perform anymore in that direction either.  I have taken worship out as well.  In fact I have taken many things I was taught I must out of our relationship – many things I was taught how to and when to and with whom to.

.

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Because that connection of union – that “being” – all that He is and I am … THAT happens way before any of the things I was taught to do.

🙂

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What is prayer?

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For me NOW, it is someone else’s way of connection, someone else’s way of union, a taught mechanical method of duty and service and worship.  A having to look to check my performance is good enough for Him.

That’s why I don’t “pray” anymore.

It gets in the way.

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