Love waits and I am learning


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Nature waits.

Nature in drought waits for rain.  And then bursts into life.  Nature in deep freeze waits for a thaw.  And then bursts into life.  Nature under attack waits.  And then recovers.  Nature waits and nature is science.  Science explains nature so science owns nature and science has become nature …

The way I breathe, grow, develop, think, react, hope, yearn, despair, am able, am disabled, interact and isolated is all natural “nature”.

Science has claimed ownership of me.  Science says I cannot have God.  Science demands I am its own.  And I am nature.  And science owns nature. So science owns me.

I find demands wearisome.

I do not care whether it is “science” or “God” doing the demanding – both are bullies and both are wearisome.  Both God bullies and Science bullies claim absolute knowledge.  And that (apparently) endows entitlement to own me.  To expect me to be what I am told to be.

I am is whatever I am told is “I am”.

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John 6:1-15 – the feeding of “about five thousand men” (not including women who can’t count – and children who should never be counted) miracle.

“Then Jesus took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; so also the fish, as much as they wanted.”

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God bullies say, “Look – a miracle! So much from so little!  And so much left over AFTER all had been filled.  This miracle glorifies God.  You must believe.”

And science bullies say, “Look – another piece of fiction!  So much from so little is not possible or scientific.  This story glorifies science.  You must believe.”

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We went on a dog psychology course a while back.

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It was not about changing the behaviour of dogs. It was about changing the behaviour of owners.

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Nature waits.  Dogs wait.  They wait for a leader who waits longer than they wait.

A leader who provides balance and stability.  Who provides that emotional state of safety and balance in knowing where the food is, where the stimulation is, how the land lies AND what the land is.  And also knows about waiting.

And dogs will seek to become the leader if led by a bully.  They will appear to follow  (not!)- but are only trying to lead as best they can.

Ill-equipped and without any followers, they will try to lead to a place of balance and safety – and get labelled “problem dogs”.

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So I cannot explain the “about five thousand men”.

BUT if I NEED to – don’t I then become a “problem believer”?

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Instead I am learning to wait.

I am learning there is a place of balance and safety.  A place where a crumb of bread kindness, a flake of fish kindness, a drop of water kindness ALL multiply in ways I can never explain but simply appreciate.  How a sliver of kindness multiples beyond all reason.

And I can guess …

Kindness is love.

A kind smile is love – a world of kindness is love – a kind action is love.  And love changes.  Love frees.  Love invites.  Love waits.

So in seeking and following love I have found my “leader”.

And I am led to a place of balance and safety – I no longer need to follow bullies – no longer need to be a bully.  I have found a leader Love who out-waits me.  Who knows where the good stuff is.  Who invites me to become “I am” – whatever “I am” means to me.

And to me that means Love.  And I will wait for you to find your place too.

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Because that is just nature at work.

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