In every training scenario my whole life – work, home and play – there is one constant:
Asking for help is a good thing.
And then the training finishes (and asking for help becomes a bad thing again).
There was one time in my life when “asking for help” brought
help advice from all sides. Every single person gave “good help advice”: to give up on someone – to give up on loving someone. And the help advice was the same from all sides – and that made “it” a force of its own – an assumption of unanimity – a decision taken without ever being taken.
Apart from one.
One voice that invited me to hope. Gave not advice but unconditional
help love. One voice out of all the voices – even though all the other voices were also of love.
But a love that took sides … that wanted good for one over another … looked out for its own. And this one voice didn’t. Didn’t make a case for who was right and who was wrong. Didn’t even ask who was right and who was wrong. Didn’t care who was right or wrong. Didn’t factor in “what if” this or “what if” that. One who cares for the whole of each without any need for “right or wrong”.
One who has no concept of “biblically correct” or “scripturally accurate”. One who cares not who is first and who is last. One who has no regard for “worse or better” between me or another. One who does not tell.
One who does not TELL.
One who asks. One who frees me from my fear of “what if … “ … from the voices of “who is right” and “who is wrong” … from all the “but if you do that then you will look weak” and “if you do this then you will strong” … and then ALL the “what if … ?” of ALL that as well.
There was only one who ignored ALL of that – and who freed ME from ALL of that.
And then asked: “What are you going to do now?”
So today I get – in a very weird way – “The Cross”.
Doing something the rest of the universe decides is of worship or scorn … which ignores all the voices of “right or wrong” … ignores weighing the case “for or against” … ignores “advice” dressed up as “belief” or “disbelief”. Which is now written-up and worshiped (or scorned) as “The Bible” …
Jesus is the Son of God and WE screwed up and THAT was the ONLY way He could save US from ourselves!
And because it is all written up … it is easy to unpick:
And no one can and no one can’t – so the noise continues.
What are you going to do now?
I have learned that all the noise of this world – from all sides – can be wrong (and often is). I am living a life where asking for Help is a good thing …
Where living Love is not proven and weighed and decided like an accountant. Where deep inside in a place I have been taught by everyone to keep “my true self” locked away – to keep myself safe and “pure” – that the only way to “keep myself safe and pure” … is to share my self with a very few trusted others … those who will never demand that I change for them or the world …
help advice is also wrong.
I have found One who keeps it simple … invites me to be me … to live in my skin for all the world to see.
One who cares not that I ask for help in the big AND little stuff. One who cares not where my strength comes from. Only that I know my strength (that others may call weakness) … that I love with strength rather than fear … that I love with strength not logic … that I become who I am – freed from all that I should be, must be, ought to be, or ought not to be.
A life lived free of fear of actually being me.
I cannot “worship” or “serve” or … all the “Christianese religion”
help teaching … I am told is The Way.
But I do love one who never needs me to worship … never needs my sacrifice … one for whom I never have to do – or be – or become anything at all …
Other than who I am already.
I get the cross.
And I don’t think it has anything to do with what I have been taught.