Waiting for …


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Our dog is good at waiting.

I am getting better at waiting than she is.  Waiting wins.  Waiting for another to move … to back-down … to spot their “tell” … to see the moment they “stop waiting” … There is a lot of “win or lose” in waiting.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Used to have many layers of meaning for me.  Mostly layers of winning and losing.  There was no point in doing other than accepting God was bigger and better than me.  Knew more than me.  Ran the whole show and all of us believers (and non-believers).

And then realised that whilst free choice is taught, the real teaching is … “Don’t fight it – let God win and all will be good in your life!”

“Don’t fight it.”

This eternal ying-yang tussle between my (taught) “sinning default” self, and my (taught) “saved but still a sinner reborn” self.

Don’t fight “what” exactly?

Asking questions … remaining skeptical of much that I know as “teaching” … fighting the accepted definitions of “biblically and scripturally correct” … all that “stuff” of religion and faith and membership … of my “compliance” … ?

I used to think waiting was a good thing.  Waiting for someone else to finish speaking … waiting to cross the road … waiting in line … waiting for your anger to evaporate … waiting for my anger to evaporate … waiting politely like the good person I was taught to be.

And there is goodness in that.

But when it comes to living with God – the God I have come to know does not have “winning or losing” in his vocabulary.  And he chooses that I don’t either.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Has come to mean an invitation to live.  An invitation to partnership.  An invitation to independence.  An invitation to NOT fight – to NOT accept – to NEVER stop asking questions  – to NEVER “wait politely” because that is what good Christians are taught to do.

So I have no need to fight either you or me or God. 

But that is neither waiting or winning or giving up.  That is the reality of “love you me and God”.   Fighting – or giving up – is simply trading space and beliefs.  Trading this for that.  Negotiating a place I can call my own (with all the fences and masks needed to feel “safe”).

“Be still and know that I am God.” 

Is an invitation to live without all that personal packaging and baggage we are taught.  To live naked and free.  To live naked and safe.  Because if I have nothing to fear I have nothing to fight – and if I have nothing to fight – THEN I can love without condition.

And love without condition is my reality – is the reality of who “I Am”.

And many teach that as weakness.  That …

Unconditional love is saying yes no matter what …  is never stopping another from abusing weakness … is always saying yes to others but never to myself … 

And that is the biggest pile of false teaching I have ever come across.  It is a teaching of winning and losing.

And once you teach/accept that you can never live free of fear … and when you teach/accept living with fear you can never love unconditionally … and if you cannot live and love without condition now in this moment and the next …

You will never know the God you teach.

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