After “the before” …


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“Ah, but there were “good old days”.  Days from before I knew “right” from “wrong”, before I knew “them” from “us”, before I learned to judge and not to accept.  How much I long for those “good old days.””  The Modern Theologian
(comment under: Or has time rewritten every line)

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I have stopped using verses every time I write here.  Love seems to me bigger than the bible – bigger than any and all the bible-bits I could regurgitate here.

And anyway – if I need the bible to love you … is that even love at all?

“… from before I knew “right” from “wrong”, before I knew “them” from “us”, before I learned to judge and not to accept.”

Those “good old days” are pre-bible.

When I could not read words.  When the bible was a book and books were not of my living.  When books were not even relevant.  Days when I was filled with wonder at everything and always.

Those toddler-filled days I love so much now – when a walk to the shop just up the road takes 45 minutes.  When a wee-one must stop and examine everything – must look closely at everything – is engrossed in all around (no bible needed).

Part of me has felt the siren-call of guilt.

A guilt in not using a verse to wrap these bloggy-words around.  A guilt that “Christian blogs” are ALWAYS about the bible.  That EVERYONE ALWAYS includes a verse or a passage.  Grown-up perception as always.

But isn’t that the definition of guilt … always stuff of after “the before”?

“from before … from before … from before … “

When camels through the eye of a needle were easy-peasy … when becoming being childlike was easy-peasy … when each day was filled with wonder – each moment fresh with more new stuff to explore – more stuff to share – more stuff to live …  No books needed – no bible thought of.

Mike, the modern theologian, reminds me that THOSE good old days are STILL real.

Those “good old days” days were the “before” even before “the good old days” I referred to …

When miracles were the stuff of everyday living … when the impossible was possible – with a bit of effort – a bit more persistence – a few more failures – but always the getting up and the getting on again – the “before” of self-pity and self-doubt …

A time when friendships fractured and reformed in seconds … when crying and laughing and sleeping and running and laughing and all that “now stuff” – all that “before stuff” – was what we just knew as “living”.  And loving.  And being loved.

No bible required.

And “after” … ?  After the “before” … ?

Now I feel guilt.  Now “becoming childlike” seems impossible.  Now I know self-pity.

Now I know so much but live so little.  Know so much but fear so much.  Know so much but need to be right in what I know.  And in the middle of all of that is the taught – and teaching – bible.

And a (perceived) need to be biblically correct … a (perceived) need to fit-in … To defer to more “mature Christians”.  To be swept along with adoration for “celeb Christians” … to need a “retreat” to bathe and refresh my soul … to “Sabbath” so that I can be close to my God again …  All these “grown-up” perceptions of taught maturity strategies and techniques – those saleable products of self-help-fashion – like all trending fashions – here today and gone tomorrow.  All this pseudo-spiritual-stuff that is just more well-packaged (grown-up) secular stuff.

Tom released the remnants of my guilt this morning. Thank you, Tom.

The “before” is before even the bible.  Just like love.  Before the grown-up biblically correct commandment of “the greatest of these” …

In the before I am loved and love without condition or fear (or a bible).

In the before there is no impossible (and no bible).

In the before there is only Love O’Clock (without any bible).

When time wasn’t a minute or second.  When time wasn’t all grown-up perception of pressure and stress stress stress either.

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“And a time when I wasn’t all “grown-up and conditional”.

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1 thought on “After “the before” …

  1. Pingback: Having sex at midnight … Really?? | Just me being curious

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