A night “tuned-in” all night … a sleepover in which our wee grandson mutters enough to keep me half-awake-alert-sleeping … our grandson unaware of the “watching-over” all night. Unaware of the watching over EVERY night.
We are his safe space when Mum and Dad are not around.
We see it in the way he checks where we are. A safe-space he turns to when unsafe. When he wants comfort. He makes clear what he wants. A language of sound, look, touch, smell and taste. Words are unnecessary. It is a language of senses. A known shared language of knowing. A language of connection.
But is that him Loving us?
Are we Loved by him even though we Love him? I have no idea. But I do know this …
Our one year old grandson has no “exterior”. We see his interior – his undressed – his naked – his vulnerable. Our grandson lives naked. Childlike. Without transaction. Always.
And we will teach him to hide. Because we will teach him transaction.
And that teaching will be confused with “Love”. And so Love without Condition will become “love” … of transaction … of giving and getting … of broken hearts and dreams … of sleepless nights filled either with practice-procreation or the absence of. We will teach him – as the society and culture in which we expect him to successful – that the sharing of bodily fluids is “love”.
And we will teach our wee grandson a different Love.
Of family, of self and of each other. But we will confuse that with presents and gifts. We will teach him that the more “likeable” he is – the more
gifts Love he will get. So even that “Love” is tinged with transaction. And soon “love” or “Love” will be of transaction.
Just like God.
We created a God of transaction because transaction is all we know – all we are taught – all we teach. And religion fulfills that brief brilliantly. Religion is of transaction of “Love”. Except religion teaches Love Without Condition.
And that is what I now question.
A religion that teaches Love is “conditional” … teaches the transaction of Salvation before I can Love God … teaches the transaction of Sin with the transaction with God with the transaction of “love”. And then – because of that transaction – I then transact to Love everyone – even though they don’t Love me (nor I them really).
And – I think – that is why is Christians agonise – over “Love without Condition” – over “sin” (according to this “biblically correct” bible) – over being “correct” AND what being “correct” actually is.
(without never realising that “Hello correct bible” equals “Goodbye Love”)
Love and being “correct” are like oil and water … they don’t mix.
And the bible teaches THAT – but THAT is too unconditional it seems. Religion needs conditions … being a Christian needs conditions – or else it would just be “Love without Condition”. And THAT would be EVERYONE (and that would never work).
Just how would you tell who was a Christian (and Saved) and who was not?
So Love without Condition is booted into “the long grass” of “after I die” … THEN I get eternity AND Love without Condition.
Which means we must be taught that this wonderful world we inhabit is a place of suffering and sin. Which makes it disposable and temporary. Which makes Loving you (all) and me AND “god” and all WITHOUT condition a stretch too far.
Hence the agonising.
And THAT is neither “biblically” nor “scripturally” correct.
I have a safe space.
A safe space that is becoming “me”.
I used to call it being saved.
Just as I used to think lust was love – and that love was transaction – just as I used to
believe think a lot of things. Like needing to control stuff – needing to be right – needing to know.
And now I don’t.
The “language of Love” doesn’t have those words word in its vocabulary.