.

.

I was brought up to believe that God is in charge of everything – every detail and thought – every wisp of air and drop of rain – in every person I met and never would – God was and is and evermore will be, amen. Cultural Christianity.  Born into The Word.

No idea why.

I see posts from those who believe God controls every facet of our lives.  For some it is waiting for Mr Right.  For others it is waiting for the child denied to them.  For others it is a range of bad relationships … dead-end jobs … a new job and a new everything … a sell everything and move somewhere weird … a rut I cannot get out of and am waiting for God to lift me up …

With God in control of every detail of my life am I a good servant or a victim of my own cultural Christianity beliefs?  I tend towards the victim option nowadays.

But only because of Love.

.

.

Love is many things but never controlling. 

A controlling God is Santa with a sack of goodies.  Goodies withheld from me.  Goodies teased-out as my lesson in living a Godly life.   God will drown me in goodies (to teach me that goodies are not what it’s about).  God will starve me of goodies (until I see the error of my lifestyle-choices).

As a role model for Love – that God is not one I have come to know.

I have had bad relationships … bad jobs … times of famine and plenty.  I have cried and laughed … been depressed and balanced … been full of energy and totally exhausted … fired-up and worn-out.  I have been healthy and unhealthy … a superhero and a tiny-mouse.  I am alive and living the best I know how –

And my “know” keeps changing as I change.

But if God is Love – and everything I have learned, been taught, experienced and questioned says yes: Love is Love is God is Love – then …

God-Love does not control. God-Love does not have a sack of goodies I get or don’t based on God.  Love is.  Or is not.

My choice. No one else.  Not even God’s.

.

.

I decide-allow what happens in my life.

And yes – shit happens (just as good stuff happens).  But what I call “shit” or “good” depends NOT on God but on ME.   And yes – stuff happens that I cannot explain-control.

But that is because all of us are walking around doing stuff without thinking of the consequences for ourselves OR others …

Smoking used to be admired.  Taking opium used to be okay.  Driving without any safety features was daring.  Cancer was a death sentence.  Cholera was rife.  Sell-by-dates were unknown.  Pre-packaged-flown-in-from-around-the-globe for that one meal I want to cook … jumping on a plane and flying non-stop from one end of the world to the other … slagging off anyone and everyone from the anonymous safety of my keyboard … downloading porn at the touch of a button … hate forums readily accessible … weapons of mass-destruction (and warfare) readily available-encouraged by many … loneliness still rife in this crowded world … social media causing as much stress as it relieves …

And ALL of us still walking one journey of one single lifetime as best we can.

All of us making decisions on what we believe – have been taught to believe – and that we allow ourselves to believe.

There is not one victim amongst us.  It is down to how we each define “shit” and define  goodies” … How we each define humanity … whether all are sacred … whether all have value.

I decide, I allow, I control all that.

Beliefs change if we allow (or not if we don’t).  Like “God is in control of everything” is a belief I allow or don’t.  Like “Nothing good every happens to me”.  Like “God has my Mr Right just waiting for me.” 

Like “God will (fill in the blank) … “

That is not Love without condition.  That is need.  And love does not need.

I have seen couples torn asunder trying for a child that refused to do its part.  I have seen couples divorce even though they WERE Mr AND Miss Right.  I have seen people with loads who believe that “nothing good” ever happens to them.  And I have seen those without anything who are happier than me with everything.

God does not control everything.  Nor does Santa.  Nor does anyone.

Love is Love.

And from that comes I Am.

If I allow.

.

.

.