I control how I respond to you.
I control how I respond to me.
I control how much I eat, what I drink, what I wear.
Each of those is in the right now moment.
I plan for the future.
I plan for “where I will be“
I plan goals and objectives to measure myself against.
Each of those might influence my next moment.
I replay the past
I replay where I missed
I replay where I did and carry what I didn’t
Each of those could influence my next moment.
A redundancy, financial crash, percentage rate increase/decrease,
A child getting married, one in dire straits, a partner suddenly ill,
Structural failure in the home, a catastrophic failure in health,
A harvest failed, a business bust, a cupboard bare, a know not where …
Each of those can/will influence my next moment.
What is this urge to control the past, present, and future?
From where this need and obsession to be in control of all
This depression that we cannot, this delusion that we can –
Where did this urge come from?
Is it like sin so beyond my control (I am taught), beyond my capacity
To not (I am taught)? Must I be a slave to control as I am to (not) sin
I was taught.
No is my answer.
It is within me to be who I am always. To be real, authentic, unmasked –
Once I figure out who I am – once I realise control of the past and future
Is the greatest delusion we are ever taught.
Other than our inability to NOT sin, of course
And if I have the capacity to change (and I do – I was born to change),
Why not “Sin no more” too? Why am I taught I cannot yet find I am
(able to change that too)?
If I Love my God and my neighbour as myself I will be saying yes to
one and maybe another and possibly a third. Yet all three are ok if
I am love (and they as well).
And if they aren’t –
Why should I be their copy and be not Love? Just as why
Should I be your copy and obligated to sin?
I become what I think … ?
I have changed because I am change. Because in the moment I am
All I ever want to be. So I plan but loosely, flexibly, hopefully.
Always an eye to “what if” and not “what will”.
And with that change I find little room to think of sin but
Every moment to think of Love.
I think I am becoming what
The bible showed me that.
That’s what I call going