When you explore there are not always maps, roads or even paths to follow. Often the exploring leaves no time for allowing others to follow easily. Seems to me that if none of us explored none of us would find.
Facebook Shielding group again …
Being a born-again teenager was bound to ruffle some feathers. And it has. Just not here in this group. You special people are amazing. Even when you are concerned you are always so gentle in your words. You have supported pictures of hugs to helmets to – yesterday – having it all again.
But something changed yesterday. Driving and shopping.
Going for a drive gave me back normal – taught me that I can do anything if I want. And because I found that I can – now I don’t have to. Now I can stop finding out – because now I know.
I know I can stay safe – “mitigate the risk” – keep a shield of a very high standard between me and you … That I can have safe hugs – have “visor kisses” – can talk with facial expressions as well as words … I now know I can travel safely if I have to – can go shopping (and stand for ages in the queues outside) if I have to – learned I can go into a shop and buy what I want if I have to … I now know I can do all those things safely and without stress or worry IF I HAVE TO. And knowing THAT – now I can manage much better the difference between “have to” and “want to”. Can recognise when “want to” is becoming “have to” in my head … I have the knowledge (and helmet AND risk-assessed routines) to allow me to make sensible safe choices.
My four weeks of being a born-again teenager are over. Not with sadness but with joy. And I love how our children were confused, upset, supportive, and with me and against me. They reminded me of how I was as their dad when they were teenagers (just for what seemed like decades rather than my short four weeks).
I am finding it hard to explain to most. Even many budding or born-again teenagers here don’t always get it. But a lot do.
Yesterday a few things happened. Came to a head. And when their words arrived – blunt, angry, concerned, understated AND overstated – I was already at peace. I didn’t have to draw lines in the sand. Didn’t have to defend or attack – justify or bluster. So yesterday and “that conversation” they “had to have” ended okay. No blood was split, no emotions shredded. They got what they wanted because I already had what I wanted.
TIP to children taking on the role of concerned parent: emotional blackmail doesn’t work. Never did for me nor for them yesterday. What does work is love. Because even if the words come out wrong – love will make them right.
Do I get a graduation ball? 🤣🤣🤣
NB – My job changes today as some colleagues begin furlough. Means I will have much less time for the “comment conversations” I have come to love. Please keep commenting – even if I take longer replying. We are ALL part of this great healing. ❤️❤️❤️