In God’s eyes

When you are having a morning shower and the bathroom door handle jangles I know it can be only person: “Morning Oliver …. ”, as he finally opens the door. “What doin’?” his standard and usual response.   Same as upon the standard and obvious explanation: “Me have bath too”, his obvious answer.

Mum drops-and-goes three mornings a week now.

Unless I am on the drive to meet them, Oliver is straight up the stairs to find me.  Usually I would be finishing getting dressed.  But this morning mum was a little earlier than her usual early.  Always keen to get back home with little Teddy – the few-months-old wee one – at the “Chuckle Brother” stage: immediate grin and gurgling noises as soon as I plant my smiling face in front of his.

Oliver is very inclusive (a trait that has yet to include his new small brother).  But with adults who do something with him at his pace and preference AND (most importantly) not pinch his toys (or the one-on-one attention he loves) – he is VERY inclusive.

My absolute joy at being a Dah/Ganda/Grandad is his spontaneous connection.  Seeing from the outside his (and all our grandchildren) growth and miniscule changes.  How they give 100% all the time – how they love 100% back all the time.  I love seeing Oliver knowing so much better than me where all our stuff is in our house.  Love how he thinks our home is his home.

He is in a phase of coming on a dogwalk in the 30 minutes before setting off of “school” (playgroup) with Nana.

This morning he was on my shoulders within yards of our front door.  And then down again when he spotted snails in the wet grass.  Then back up again as we wandered on.  Then back down again as he learned the word “buttercup” – or as he says it: “Butt eH CUUU!!!!” at the top of his voice (many of the best “toys” and games DON’T come from toy-shops).  And then back up as we wandered home with a couple of butt-eh-cuuu’s for Nana.   He can ring our front doorbell so much easier when he is on my shoulders.  Can see Nana coming so much easier – has already begun the “How dare you” (ring the doorbell) game before Nana opens the door.

So many rituals and habits.  So cost-free.  So giving to each of us if we just allow ourselves to accept the invitation to these little games.

As a parent I was always saying goodbye or no or bedtime or have you washed your hands or the plethora of stuff parents have to do.  As a grandparent I love leaving so much of that to mum and dad. Love being able to say yes so much and so often.  Love saying Here I am.  Love being rather than wishing I could be.  Love sharing rather than trying to remember what I have to do next.  Love being 100% there whether examining a snail, ringing a doorbell, collecting the daily dog-poo together, yelling “BUTT EH CUUUU!” over and over without any embarrassment at all, knowing that this time together will change so quickly but the trust-bond-connection is forever.

Same as those two words … I Am. 

Apparently it means a ton of different stuff in studious religious academic terms.  And if I study the bible long and hard enough – correctly and with the correct guidance – I will find out who I Am really is.

Except I already know who I Am is.

He is my 100%.  He is my every moment if I wish.  He gives without cost.  He receives anything (or nothing) from me with the same smiling affectionate love.  I don’t need to be or do anything other than be me.  To be my own “I am”.

He examines snails with me.   He yells BUTT EH CUUUU!!! with me and without any embarrassment at all.  He quite happily lets me rush in – no matter what he is doing.  To him I am everything always.  And our trust-bond-connection is forever.

THAT is eternity right there.

But …

As our grandchildren get older they often try and second-guess me.  It’s what we teach children as they grow.  To give the right answer.  To be correct.

I hate being second-guessed.  It puts a barrier between us.  A barrier I never wanted and cannot remove unless they allow.  I love when they are right or wrong or don’t know.  I love seeing them explore.  Going off on tangents.  Flying into the surreal and then peals of 100% laughter!  I love them always but so much more easily when there is no barrier at all.

When they are free to be their own “I am”.   When they have no need to know my history and lineage.  Have no reason to respect my qualifications and experience.  But simply love being in my presence and me in theirs.   Often without words.  Always without explanations and validation.  Never with transaction or obligation.  This is not about service or correctness.  This is about Love.  Only and always Love.  Love without condition.  Love without expectation.  Love without need. 

For add anything to “love” and it becomes what is added and rarely Love at all.

I have put down my bible.  Not because I don’t trust it or respect it.  But because God is not in my bible.   God is in my heart and my living.  A life of moments when I allow me to be 100% me – and not when I think I must be something and someone I think I should be.

Someone who second-guesses what someone else says is the right answer – the right behaviour – the right way of being “correct”.  I have found that it is always another person – male of female – that says that. 

God Soft Hand Jesus never has and never will. And when it comes to being biblically correct –

Is biblically second-guessing God ever being “correct” (in God’s eyes)?