Safe enough to free that fear


I will always set limits.

For all the self-lauding on what a master species we are, able to do this and that, able to create whatever is needed for whenever we need it, able to do so much and be so much more than “the other species” … at a personal level I will always set limits.

“That’s just not me – I couldn’t do that – agree to that” … … “But look at me – what can I do – I am just one person” … … “It’s okay for them – they have money and power – I haven’t.”

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I will always set limits.

And when challenged to rise above my limits … to walk outside my comfort zones … to “take a leap of faith” … My knee-jerk response is usually to find reasons why not – and then “google for advice” that supports my fears – the …

“I’m alright – you’re alright”

Solution of Inertia.

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Years ago I did some personal development training.  And they had this thing called “Challenge by Choice”.  One of the outdoor exercises was the “High Ropes”.  All of us harnessed to within an inch our lives … safety checked and rechecked …  So the ONLY  thing left to roam free was our imaginations: our personal fear-pits and the push-back from our own comfort zones.

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My knees shook thirty feet up … on a rope stretched between two trees.  Shook so much I was embarrassed!   So I made the shaking into a “dance like no one is watching” performance to (literally) hide my fear.  My fear-pit-fear which overcame the logic of the harness, ropes, and all the safety gear I knew would keep me safe.

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One lady – harnessed and roped just like the rest of us – could not put two feet on the same rung of a ladder.  This was no “High Ropes” – this was just embarrassing!

One ladder – all innocent and inviting … one foot on the bottom rung …  And then the tears and snot and low moaning …  The other foot a fraction off the ground … ?  The moaning became wailing – the tears and snot flowed more freely  … And we all breathed out as we all realised this was going to take a while …

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The trainer showed nothing of what the rest of us were thinking.  Instead he was there for her.  He got it.

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“Challenge by Choice” does not judge.

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Because whatever the reason, whatever the history, whatever the crazy illogical madhouse leading up to this moment … none of that was “it”.  Even her personal limit wasn’t “it”.

Making her safe enough to free that fear in front of all of us AND herself … to try and move beyond it … ?

THAT was “it”.

That was why she was here. 

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And that was (in reality) why we were all here.  I had my own reasons.  We all had our own reasons.  And they were ALL different – but ALL the same.

We ALL had limits – we ALL wanted to move beyond our “limits”.  And the bat crazy shit sensible and logical reasons were never discussed – not then.  That came much later when we felt safe enough to share our own fears. … when we all “got it”.

And this lady with a fear of both feet off the ground?

There was a very special touching impromptu celebration when she eventually did move past this HUGE limit.  She overcame something much bigger than everyone else there.  She overcame something the rest us had dismissed her for.  That I had dismissed her for.

“Needy.  Very needy.  Too needy.  Cringingly needy.  Not one of us.”

unlike my personal limits I hid as well as she did (normally)

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So you are “religious” …
you are an “atheist” …
you are a leader …
you are a follower …
you believe the bible …
you disbelieve the bible …
you are a racist …
a homophobe …
a bully …
a wallflower …
an angel …
a saint …

I am always “something”.

But I always look in my mirror and see something you don’t.

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“Needy.  Too needy.  Cringingly needy.  Not one of them.”

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So would you make me safe …  When I try and move past my personal limits … my personal fear-pit … my super-strong hold-me-tight comfort zones … ?

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Because that has nothing to do with “being right or wrong”.

That has to do with strength.

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The strength AND the restraint to resist abusing that “strength”.  Abusing someone with limits not mine.  With fears not mine.  Who does not feel safe enough yet in trying to move beyond my fear-pit.

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We don’t call that being “right or wrong” …

We call that kindness and humanity.

We call that Love.

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And Love is universal.

 

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2 thoughts on “Safe enough to free that fear

  1. This struck a chord – cord in me since I underwent a challenge not quite as drastic as this in a confidence test for those unemployed. We had to do some of it blind folded or following a blind leader, two way trust.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Safe enough to free that fear. – Re-theologizing

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